Bailout Swami Neel Kashkari

As late as last July the investment bankers were confidently flashing their AMEX black cards, tossing back shots of Jägermeisters, and trying to bang the SoHo girls who had drifted down to the Financial District Happy Hour to unwittingly play banker prey.

For lordy lordy, while his Goldman Sucks pals were busy yachting in the Hamptons, Henry Paulson was sweating in the Washington swamp, and had come up with the solution that was sure to quiet the doomsayers who were loudly hissing that the Wall Street vipers had sucked America dry, and the scam was soon to come crashing down.

Even though last spring Bear Stearns disappeared in the blink of an eye, not one of the young dudes had any idea that within three months they would be hawking their bling, and sitting back home in Mom's basement in their hand tailored boxers.

Never fear-- covered bonds would save the economy of America and the world. The mortgage racket would start steam rolling again, and money would once again flow into America in the never ending promise of somehow making massive profits off the debt piled on the back of middle class American homeowners.

For who would dare question that the Wizards of Wall Street had finally succeeded where the Alchemists had failed?

Henry Paulson tapped 35 year old, fellow baldie, and Golden Sachs alum Neel Kashkari to be the Big Swinging Dick of the covered bond concept that he confidently knew would be the final gee whiz gimmick which would rescue the American Economy:






If you were able to sit through that, reward yourself with a Red Bull and Vodka.

It doesn't matter, it never caught on. WaMu sold a batch---but no one was really interested in purchasing bonds backed by a pool of crappy mortgages, even if they were also backed by a bank which was up to its neck in a pile of mortgage and other super cool equity derivatives, that not even the young sheiks that hang all night at Monaco casinos, were reckless enough to place any dirhams on.

I only mention this because yesterday Henry Paulson, despite my suggestion, has named Neel “cash 'n carry” Kashkari to head the bailout.

Finally, turning to that ultimate source of wealth, the federal government, Cash 'n Carry is going to take the final step in where this was all headed and solve the problem of too much debt with a whole lot more.

Its gotten to the point where even the Pope is a more astute financial commentator than the Secretary of the Treasury or the Chairman of the Federal Reserve—or high ranking bureaucratic stooges like Cash 'n Carry.

And have you noticed that Bush, Obama, McCain and all the terrified lemmings who rushed through the emergency bailout—are already hedging their bets?

Hold on for the ride.