2009 Oscars Red Carpet Pics

Oscar Thoughts, a Few Days Late

By The Pumpernickel on | From plightofthepumpernickel.blogspot.com

I, like so many other entertainment obsessed Americans, watched the Oscars on Sunday night. Unlike the stars I saw onscreen, it was hardly a glamorous affair for me; my roommate was sick and I busied myself with baking her (and force feeding her) banana bread.

Just give me a reason to bake, and I'll do it.

Despite my own pajama clad appearance, I managed to critique several actresses' Oscar fashions within an inch of their lives. They say those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but those people have obviously never blogged.

I'll start off nice. My favorite looks of the evening were Anne Hathaway, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, Evan Rachel Wood and Penelope Cruz:

Oh, Anne. How I love thee. You stand up for pale skinned girls everywhere. I loved your Oscar skit cameo with Hugh Jackman, and I think you blew away an entire nation of people who didn't realize you had such a voice. A beautiful dress; you look effervescent.

That's right, Jen! You go on and look fabulous. Screw Angelina. Was anyone else made extremely uncomfortable when the camera panned to Angelina when Jen was presenting?

Evan Rachel Wood hits it out of the park with this cream number. Very old Hollywood glamour, though it reminds me a little of something Dita Von Teese might wear.

Oh Angelina. You make it so hard for me to like you. But damn, I can't deny that you look amazing here. Love the green earrings. But you'll always be a dirty man stealer to me.

I was not always a Penelope Cruz fan, but her performance in Vicky, Christina, Barcelona won me over. She was exquisite, as is this vintage gown with silver embroidery. It's apparently decades old; not that you would know it from this picture.

And now, to throw some stones...

Holy crap, Tilda Swinton! What look were you going for? Grecian alien? This thing is all kinds of wrong. I actually said "WHOA" out loud when she came out to present.

Reese, you're such a beautiful girl. And you're known for being a strong headed and independent lady. Why then did you have to jump on this horrible asymmetrical shoulder detail trend we saw so much last night?

Ok, I'll say it. I don't like Miley Cyrus. She annoys the hell out of me. So does this Glinda-from-Wicked inspired look, which reminds me of silver encrusted lily pads. And not in a good way.

I love Carrie Bradshaw as much as the next person, but I'll be the first to admit some of her styles are crazy. Sarah Jessica Parker is apparently channeling the wacked out fashion sense of her famed character-- there's no other explanation. Also, she seems to be busting out a bit...a tough feat for someone as tiny as SJP. Don't breath too deep!

There's a reason Beyonce looks so ridiculous here...the dress is from her mother's line, House of Dereon. That, or she's pulling a Sound of Music and just made her dress from an old set of curtains. Or Gone With the Wind, take your pick.

And that's that. What, you thought the Oscars were about anything other than fashion? Please. My apologies for perhaps the girliest entry I've ever written.