A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, all to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have ...
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1 0. Instead of milk and cookies leave Santa a Weight Watchers bar and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds! 9. While Santa’s in the house... go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket! 8. While Santa’s in the house... replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to fly! 7. Keep a bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big fat Santa suit!! 6. Leave a note by ...
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Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as ...
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Avoiding Walking in Front of the TV Doing Housework Without Complaining Shopping: Buying What You Can Afford, Not What You Can Charge Going to The Washroom Alone (formerly Coping Without My Friends) Understanding the Male Response to “Do I Look OK?” Exercise: How it Keeps You from Looking Like Your Mother Learning How to Initiate Intimacy How to Apologize When You Are Obviously Wrong Understanding the Male Response to “Am I Fat?” Dishwashers: Rinsing Before Is Not a Must The Toilet Seat: I Can Learn to Put It Down Too Using the Thesaurus: Alternatives to “Make Love” “The Weekend” and “Long Boring Walks” Are ...
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Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know ...
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