African American

The Object of My Affections (An End to Google Stalking TJ Holmes)

For those who don't realize this, my fair Reese Peanut Butter Cup of the TV News aka "The Prince of West Memphis," Sir TJ Holmes got all kinds of married this month to a lovely woman who WAS NOT ME. I was crestfallen. There was a lot of me wandering around the Bat Cave singing Vesta's "Congratulations" while swilling the second cheapest bottle of halfway decent white wine I could find at Schnieder's on The Hill. Because TJ Holmes is now off the market and far, far away from my clutches (and because the wifey Marilee seems so sweet and dreamy), I'm just going to stop stalking him. I know, I know, long-time reader. You thought this day would never come, but I just can't. I will continue to be TJ's number #1 least stalkerish fan and maintain the photo gallery. I will even write about him from time-to-time. But ... I just can't stalk a married man, y'all! It's not as fun.

The Daily Show's Wyatt CenacSo I'm looking for some new guy to stalk. I met The Daily Show's Wyatt Cenac the other week on U Street. He seems nice. I showed him were Marvin's was and I totally name dropped Black Snob all over the place like I was P. Diddles. CNN's Chris Lawrence kind of makes me weak in an SWV-ish way. And I did threaten to stalk Jamal Simmons last year when I met him at Harvard's Annual Black Policy Conference. He's from St. Louis so that should count for something. (I'm a St. Louisian.) I attempted to stalk others, like Hill Harper, Don Lemon and such. But my heart just wasn't in it. Hill's cute and smart and all, but, I dunno. He doesn't bring out "the crazy" in me the way Teege does. And Don Lemon is adorable (and a great journalist), but I'd rather go shopping with him than have all his curly headed babies. Maybe it was because the Teege was from good ol' Arkansas and I've got a sweet spot for folks from Mama Snob's home state. (A matter of fact, "Arkansas Boy Done Good While Being Incredibly Handsome" probably had to do with about 90 percent of his appeal for me.)

Which reminds me, I need to call my Arkansas born n' bred Granny Snob back. I totally didn't take her call while I was partying last night, celebrating the passage of health care with a rack of ribs and a bunch of Howard U. grads. Maybe she'll recommend who I should stalk next? Or berate me for not landing TJ? After all, she once went in on me for not "snagging" Obama. I had to remind her that when the O Man got married it was 1992 and I was somewhere, with ance, grimacing my way through the halls of Hazelwood Central High School in a Cross Colours knock-off shirt at the ripe old age of 15.

Anyway ... who to Google Stalk? I just ... I just don't know.