Choosing to Heal

Chances are, if you're human then someone has hurt you. Let's face it; we've all been hurt by someone. Some of us have experienced more intense or brutal pain at the hands of another, but everyone's been hurt to some degree. OK. We accept that. Now what? Now we have a choice to make. Do we continue to live in the pain of the past or do we change our life now?

How we move forward in life is up to us. We can go through life as victims, replaying in our minds the hurts of the past or we can choose to heal. It's up to us. Option #1 invites us to continue living as victims. Option #2 offers us freedom.

I hope that you're hear because you chose option #2. I certainly am. So, what do I have to do to heal? The first thing is accepting what happened, and accepting that in some way I created it. That doesn't mean I have to bear guilt for it happening, but I'm not a victim. Consciously or unconsciously, (usually the latter), I have created everything in my life. Everyone else creates their experiences, too, so the abuser has his responsibility as well. The next thing I need to realize is that everyone does the best they can with who they are, and where they are in consciousness. That's not an excuse or cop out for the abuser. It's a statement of fact. They did what they did based on who they are and what they believe.

Now that we've gotten guilt and blame out of the way, let's see what else we can do to take charge of our own healing. Forgiveness goes without saying. Not for their sake, but for ours. Ho'oponopono is one of the best tools for true forgiveness. Google it and you'll find tons of resources.

The biggest and most important part of our healing is the development of self-love. Louise Hay has been teaching people how to truly love and appreciate themselves for decades. Who is Louise Hay? This is probably the most challenging part of healing for abuse survivors because our low self-worth has been so thoroughly programmed into us for so long. Life will show us in a myriad of ways where our self-love is lacking, in support of our choice to heal.

Until what nurtures and supports us is our first choice in every relationship and situation, things will come up to show us our unconscious programming. Relationships will provide us with lots of opportunities to see whether we're honoring ourselves or not. Not just intimate partner relationships; all relationships. Sometimes our children are the best mirrors for us. If our relationship with them is strained, they might be reflecting back to us what we still need to address personally. When ever I have felt disrespect from my daughter, I've found ways that I was not treating myself with respect. Her behavior and attitude were actually a gift to me, to show me an area that needed healing.

The choice to heal is not always easy. We all have days when we just don't feel like being forgiving or taking full responsibility. Be gentle with yourself on those days. You don't have to be a saint. Just be the best you that you know how to be. Look at the progress you've made. Isn't it amazing?! You've come a long way, haven't you? Celebrate that. Acknowledge the work you've already done and the progress you've made. Be to yourself as you would be to your best friend. After all, no one knows more about what you've been through and how much you've grown.