Living With Agoraphobia
Living with agoraphobia is not easy to do as any agoraphobic will tell you. However, some people learn to live with the condition and lead relatively good lives -but most are incredibly limited by this condition and want to be rid of it (and fair enough too). So can you really live with agoraphobia and the fear of losing control and of panic attacks? Well humans can live with a lot of stuff but that does not make it good! Being able to exist with agoraphobia is one thing – but really LIVING requires that you take steps to end your phobia.
This can be done through your everyday life and takes time to adjust, but the rewards are so much greater than the effort once you feel that freedom.
Living With Agoraphobia – An Agoraphobics Perspective
To give an idea of just what living with this anxiety disorder is like, here is an abbreviated interview I did with one person suffering from agoraphobia. For the purpose of this piece we have given him the name of Gavin. He is a 24 year old male from Melbourne Australia.
Me: “So Gavin, what is it like to live with agoraphobia?”
Gavin: “Well I can only speak from my own experience, others might be very different to mine.”
Me: “That’s fine, I am just looking for your own perspective on this.”
Gavin: “So, it is like living with a constant niggling fear in the back of your brain anywhere that is not familiar. I get a heightened state of anxiety and stress just walking out the front door for instance. Most of the time I am either ok or a little nervous only because I stick to places that I know and are comfortable with.”
Me: “How many places are you comfortable with though?”
Gavin: “Hah! Too few to be honest … but a lot more than a few years ago.”
Me: “What was it like back then?”
Gavin: “Oh man, I was a real mess. I moved out of home and always knew I was a little anxious, but I moved in with friends and thought I could handle it. Turned out I could not and some of those friends were not great friends in the end. I found out then that I also could have panic attacks after one of them left me in an unfamiliar supermarket because our local one was closed for some reason. He just went across the street to get some smokes and I lost it, I flipped out and locked myself in the car. Thought I was having a heart attack or a stroke … I … um … I don’t really know how to explain it but I never wanted to experience it again.”
Me: “Did you experience a panic attack again?”
Gavin: “yes – 3 more times in a year because I learned how to cope with agoraphobia better. I do not get them anymore, but I do not put myself in the positions that would cause them either. I like to think I am less prone to them in general though.”
Me: “What do you do for work if leaving the house can be troubling?”
Gavin: “I found a job where I could work from home and explained to my employer my condition. I think I got quite lucky with that however … other agoraphobics might not be so lucky I am not sure to be honest. I could probably earn a lot more if I could travel and work elsewhere though but it pays the bills and so forth.”
Me: “How are you coping with – and trying to overcome agoraphobia?”
Gavin: “I have been seeing a therapist. I got rid of one though because he charged too much, promised too much and delivered too little. I felt pretty violated actually. I am trying a few things. Some work better than others but it is a slow process … that kinda my life, work on my computer, limited trips out, see therapists. Friends do come and visit often though now I have found some better ones! *laughs*”
Me: “How about relationships? Does agoraphobia affect those – romantic relationships that is.”
Gavin: “I had a girlfriend for a few months. She also had some mild anxiety which is probably why we hooked up. However she couldn’t handle it – she really needed someone to give her stability and who could be strong when she panicked which was not me. I try not to take it personally but women are not attracted to guys that they think need to be looked after I guess.”
Me: “What is the most difficult part of living with agoraphobia?”
Gavin: “Now you reminded me perhaps not being able to find a girlfriend *laughs*, but probably more the fact I know I want to get better, but do not know where to start or how to get the motivation to do so. There is a fear of trying new things as well. I dont know if that is just me or a part of agoraphobia in general though.”
Me: “Do you push yourself to try new things?”
Gavin: “I go through periods where I get motivated to try new things or to put myself in situations on the edge of my comfort level. I have a friend who I go walking with every few days and each time we try to go a little further than before … but sometimes I just refuse to go if i am not feeling good which makes me feel worse because I am letting both of us down.”
Me: “Thank you for your time.”
Gavin: “No worries.”
These agoraphobics experiences are not unique to Gavin, but each person has a different set of circumstances. Living with agoraphobia is a challenge for some, a nightmare for others. I suggested Gavin Try Panic Away which he agreed to do once he was paid next. I hope to have a follow up interview in the future.
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