Aintree Ladies Day - part 2
LADIES DAY AT AINTREE : Part 2
WHAT NOT TO WEAR
(AND HOW NOT TO BEHAVE !!)
How to behave and how not to behave is one of those things that you get taught at a very early age, hopefully...what isn't so obvious to a lot of people is what not to wear and how not to behave when you've had a skin-full, and sadly, most of those people find their way up to Aintree every year around this time and get to mingle with the crowd...then the Press manage to sniff the worst offenders out like hungry hounds - which is pretty appropriate as, frankly, there were more dogs than Crufts at this year's event !!
What's more sad though, for the better-behaved and the better-dressed amongst all the ladies there, is that it's always the badly behaved and the badly dressed lot that get all the publicity...huh, typical !! You spend a fortune getting the perfect outfit and getting the most amazing hat, but when the photos come out in the press, it's all about the over-tanned, over-made-up girls in the low-cut tops and the shorter than short mini-skirts swigging from the beer bottle that get their pictures in the papers the next day !! Life's so unfair...
So without further ado, let's go and see what everyone got up to at the biggest race meeting in the north...
THE WORST OF THE WORST DRESSED !!
The day after these photos were released to the newspapers, journalist and TV personality Janet Street-Porter wrote an absolutely scathing piece about the fashions on show at Ladies Day last Friday - it happens to be in the Daily Mail, but never mind - her piece is here :-
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1375510/Girls-North-great-DO-dress-like-Lily-Savage.html
Do go and read as it's so true...these women really do behave as if they are drag queens and burlesque artistes...and yes, even Lily Savage would find most of these outfits completely garish and in the worst possible taste !!
AWFUL OUTFITS
So let's launch straight into the first category - that of outfits that were simply awful - these were the dresses which were just plain weird, tasteless and/or garishly accessorised or just plain hideous, without any relief at all...and the first few suffer the same fate - that of being either shapeless or far too frilly for words, and also being worn without any tights, exposing the worst of the pasty white legs that Britain is famous for, and with the most hideous clumpy shoes imaginable...
Therefore, you could say that these are dresses that are on to a losing streak before they've even left the closet...
The first dress is absolutely shapeless, and the second is way too tight and way too short, with huge sleeves which overshadow the rest of the dress...and both of them feature pasty white legs - unattractive at the best of times - go and get the tanning gel out if you think of doing this, but don't overdo it - an orange fake tan is almost worse !!
These two dresses wouldn't be too bad at all - if only they hadn't gone with the clumpy shapeless ankle boots option...this looks so bad !! They have the effect of shortening the wearer's legs and accentuating any flaw - now both these women have pretty good legs as it happens, but they certainly aren't being flattered by the choice of footwear, that's for sure !!
Both of these dresses are so unbelievably frilly and balloon-like, especially the first one which has got to be an 80s throwback - I do wish she'd thrown it back into the closet...and again, bare legs - in April when it is still cold in the shade at least - and the second girl has the worst taste in wearing pink Doc Marten boots - with a dress !! Now I do sort of get this, strangely, in an ironic way - rather like the sort of thing that Helena Bonham-Carter would wear, but this girl isn't Helena, and this isn't really working at all...
Oh my Gawd - this looks like a frilly 80s Austrian Blind bubble-dress...and as for the bumble-bee down below - well, I have no words !!
These next few ladies show us what it means to be slightly older and a fashion victim...
This is what happens when you stay in a hair colour rut - you can't tell me that this lady decided on a whim that this colour would be a great idea - she's almost certainly been dying her hair shocking pink ever since the 80s...if it isn't actually a wig - which frankly, looking at the forehead jewellery she is sporting, it could well be !!
The lady on the right in the short shift dress is actually Coleen Rooney's mum, and could have done a lot better by taking some fashion advice from her daughter...this dress is so shapeless that it is making her look fatter than she already is...it's accentuating her size something awful !! She should see my 'Rules for Overweight Ladies' down below...
Of course, there should be at least one corset making an appearance - and here it is, a if by magic !! There should also be at least one girl in something far too young for her age...the green blouse is fine, but that white thing actually looks like one of her childhood dresses with the wide straps hitching it up short !! I mean, seriously - what did she think this looked like ?
Watch out - here come the pink, purple and red brigade - these are the women for whom just one bright colour isn't nearly enough, and so grouping together in one huge clashing hot-coloured mish-mash of shades is a must !!
And the girl on the left is a whole lot of colour just on her own....
Over on the Flikr Hive Mind site, you can call up the Aintree tag and produce a whole lot of amazing pictures of this event, taken by loads of people who attended themselves...and I picked out this one straightaway - this lady is just so far and away one of the worst cases of mutton dressed as lamb, it's just not true...I bet from the back, she looks like she might be a really fashion-forward young lady with a taste for romantic flowery hats and shredded tops...a bit punky, but with a fair streak of romanticism - in other words, possibly a potential hot date - right ?!! (Many thanks to Flikr user : Photonutter for this amazing photo - it says so much - I love it !!)
FAR TOO FAT !!
Now, we're getting down to the real nitty-gritty with this section - not to put too fine a point on it, this is what you look like should you be even a teensy bit overweight, and wearing the wrong size or the wrong style for your shape and/or age...you have been warned !!
(Let's just say that this is a subject that is very dear to my heart right now, being in the middle of trying to lose about thirty to forty pounds of excess weight myself - I'm currently 17 lbs down, with about another 20 lbs to go !! So don't anyone even consider accusing me of being in any way sizeist here - I know first-hand just how utterly damaging all this excess weight can be, both to your physical and to your mental well-being !!)
Actually, the excess weight isn't the issue here - it's the choice of dresses, in both styles and sizes that clearly don't suit the wearers that troubles me...
Oh my Gawd, I can feel this poor lady's weight dragging her down with every step - I sympathise, I really do !!
The other girl is positively lightweight in comparison, but she is still wearing the wrong size - look how this dress is wrinkling around her hips - and for goodness sake - get a good bra - her bosom is being flattened and is practically down to her waist !!
The same goes for this lady in white, below left...her poor breasts have been flattened to within an inch of their lives - this must be so uncomfortable !! I also can't for the life of me work out what is going on with her head - is that a hat she is wearing, and if so, why is it so small - is it actually on the head of someone behind her ?
As for the girl on the right - well, Victorian nightie anyone ?!! Talk about a ship in full sail...
All the ladies below are suffering from the lifelong effects of a desperately poor diet and an over-glamorous self-image !! They really don't look good, do they ?!! They have all fallen for the idea that the maxi-dress is the latest thing and it will hide their size maybe ?...
Well, I have news for you ladies - it won't - at all !!
I actually don't know which is worse - the idea of a maxi dress which covers up all your wobbly bits, but also makes you look like a ship in full sail, or the short shift dress which makes you look fat and cold, especially if you have no tights...and exposes your fat knees !! Even if you wear colour-co-ordinated tights, it still looks scary...
RULES FOR OVER-WEIGHT LADIES:-
Here are some salient rules to follow when choosing an outfit for a racing event like this, or that big family wedding you are going to later in the year...now I love the fact that all these ladies above have made the effort to get dressed up for this event, but - oh please - who are they trying to kid ?!! 'Tis a really difficult thing, getting that balance right when you are a Ten-ton Tess, but there are a few good ideas:-
1. Please make sure that your chosen outfit actually fits correctly - if in doubt, go for one size bigger and don't get hung up on numbers - so what if it's actually a size 24 ? If it looks better, so be it...That way the dress will skim your body all the way down rather than cling to it exposing all your rolls of fat...and there's no better way to look slimmer than you actually are !!
2. Make sure that your back view is exemplary - take a really good look in a proper reverse-mirrored fitting-room and adjust the size you are trying on accordingly...
3. Take a really good friend with you - some-one that you can trust to give you an honest constructive opinion - they're worth their weight in gold !!
4. Wear a really good supportive bra - actually, that's a good rule to follow all the time - get yourself professionally measured by a good bra-fitter !! There's nothing worse than breasts that are going their own way, which usually means sideways!! You can get minimiser bras too these days, which make them look a size smaller than they really are, without squashing them to death...
5. Talking of underwear, what about a really good quality, modern lightweight foundation garment of some kind - there are various types that involve tons of Lycra, which has a marvellous swimsuit effect of holding you in, smoothing out your rolls of fat and giving you a much better silhouette. Consider it...
6. Cover up your upper arms !! They tend to wobble when you move if you aren't careful - and no-one wants to see that - trust me !! Try a brightly coloured pashmina-style shawl or a sheer gauzy fabric stole if your dress is very glitzy - they look elegant and casually dressy, and they keep you a bit warm when the evening draws on...
7. Don't even consider any kind of mini...keep the neckline fairly low and the hemline lower - a teensy bit below the knee at least - otherwise, like Coleen Rooney's ma further up, you will look like a wide square block of colour and that's not good look !!
8. Choose a big hat if you are tall, or a big showy fascinator if you're on the short side - and if you are not going for the hat option, make sure that any jewellery you are wearing is larger and chunkier...the bigger statement pieces are more in scale than a delicate gold chain necklace...
Actually, the first three rules in this list apply to everyone...
BAD MAKE-UP
Aintree Ladies Day is more famous for the bad fashion on show than the good fashion, which is a real shame, because there are plenty of girls who get it right, as my first piece showed...however, it's a situation that isn't being helped at all by the sheer quantity of girls who simply trowel on the slap like there's no tomorrow...really , ladies - do you seriously think that the orange fake tan is honestly a great look ? Is it really necessary to wear such massive amounts of blusher and highlighter - on a sunny summer's day ? For God's sake, you're not going clubbing...
The other thing is applying lipstick in public used to be a big no-no in years gone by, but I think this is a rule that needs to be re-introduced as a good concept - perhaps it could be given as advice in young girls magazines etc, alongside how to apply a condom and how to say 'No'...
The rules of public behaviour should include things like this |:-
1. Don't, under any circumstances, apply any kind of make-up anywhere other than a public loo or your own bathroom / bedroom dressing-table...and that means on the bus or train to work, in the street, or when you are waiting for a friend in a restaurant...it's, frankly, a slutty habit !! It looks terrible...
2. You shouldn't look like two different colours where your neck joins your face - foundation is meant to be the same shade as your own skin - it's simply there to smooth out blemishes, not to change the colour you naturally are...in other words, it won't give you a tan...
3. Too much lipstick is as bad as not enough - maybe even a bit worse...and lip-liner pencil is OK as long as the lipstick is still there - when the lipstick disappears it looks daft...
Far too much lipstick and far too much bosom on show...
Too much blusher - and it actually matches her hair !!... Too much eye-shadow...
BAD HAIR...
Too many black roots showing - this is one of the worse hair-crimes of all - if you bleach your hair in any way, please don't let us all know about it ..
MAD HAIR...
Here's a whacky thing I came across while I was looking for photos for this piece - this is Rachel Lea who decided that she didn't want to wear a hat, but instead would get her hair dresser to do something whacky with her hair instead...so hairdresser Toni Garden from the Voodou salon in Liverpool, got to work...with startling results !!
TRASHY DRESSES !!
As well as the awful overdone make-up and over-bleached hair - what else didn't go down too well at Aintree this year - well, the slutty dress choices of course - there was plenty of trashiness I can tell you...just take a look at this little lot :-
THE LOW-CUT, BACKLESS, MINI-DRESS
Too low-cut in front, too low-cut in the back and far too short - any one of these things would be fine on their own, but not all three together please !!
GYPSIES, TRAMPS AND THIEVES...
This is one style of dress that has been gaining immense popularity lately, I am very distressed to say - it seems to be coming from the Gypsy / Traveller sector in the UK and is immensely popular with girls who think that there is nothing more sexy than baring too much skin...it's a dress that thinks it's a bikini up top, and a maxi down below...
I know that I have featured a couple of dresses with cut-outs at the sides in my previous post, but these are far worse examples here...the green dress on the left is simply awful - tarty and cheap-looking, and the girl on the right isn't helping her case by having fake red hair and huge gypsy-style earrings - and a scowl on her face...
Here below is a further example of the Gypsy wedding-dress effect...that documentary I was talking about in my 'Awful Wedding Dresses 2011' post recently, has had more of an effect than I had dreamed possible...
This one below is simply horrific - just look at all the side-boob showing in the photo below...and the girl wearing it has the two-tone hair that I hate too...as if the dress wasn't enough !!
Oh please - put them away...
Here's a few more to add to the roster of fashion crimes going on at Aintree last weekend - see, I told you this was an absolute skank-fest, didn't I ?!!
If you find yourself being featured in this post, don't come complaining to me - these photos are all over the Internet, and if it's you, then you should take a long hard look at what you chose to wear - try and see what all the press are getting at, and learn from it, because honestly - the name 'Aintree Ladies Day' is going to have to be reconsidered soon if things don't change for the better !!
LADIES BEHAVING BADLY...
Of course, it wasn't just about the bad dress choices was it - there was also a whole array of terribly slutty behaviour on show, fuelled mainly by far too much alcohol...firstly though, a couple of men behaving badly..
LIFE'S A DRAG ...
There were just a couple of people whose gender is frankly up for discussion...what d'you reckon ?...
The first one I am having trouble deciding, but the second is definitely a guy - he was at Aintree last year, dressed in a pale peach frilly mini-dress and the highest of killer heels - I recognise him and his rose tattooes...simply marvellous !!
The word 'drag' of course, also refers to the act of smoking - and just look at how slovenly it really looks, when you're wearing a hat...at least don't stand there with a fag hanging out of your mouth...
TOO DRUNK TO STAND UP...
There was a copious amount of alcohol being consumed at Aintree as usual, of course, during the course of the whole day...and for some people it all became too much to handle...
For the lady on the left, her dress decided to mutiny - thank goodness she had a couple of really good mates to help her off the racecourse...she also looks like she's had far too much bubbly !!
The other two had real problems with their stupidly high shoes - remember, too much drink makes the ground wobble, so your shoes should be safe to walk in, whatever the terrain - and Aintree is notoriously bumpy grassy ground...
HITCHING A LIFT...
Talking of stupidly high shoes, these girlies found out that a big hulking boyfriend is the best option when you need a piggyback...when your feet ache beyond redemption, just take the weight off your heels and hitch a lift - isn't that what boyfriends are for, after all...
Just make sure that there are no Press photographers around when you climb on his back...
For Gawd's sake - a little decorum here, please !!
STREAKING - THAT GREAT BRITISH TRADITION...
It used to be the football pitch that attracted the streakers in our society, but now it seems that Aintree is going the same way - this is an old time-honoured tradition in the British sporting-fan fraternity of course, and it was an extremely popular bit of fun back in the 70s, usually indulged in by men !!
The game was to take off all your clothes and run across the pitch, hopefully getting yourself photographed by the press and onto all the front pages of the newspapers the next day - however you usually ended up in a police cell for the night with a healthy charge of being Drunk and Disorderly - in the absence of a better crime - or if you weren't actually drunk, you may be charged under the Public Decency Act...however, you didn't often see girls being led off the racecourse by the police...
Off come the dresses and tops, and away they go...
It's a fair cop...
THE END OF THE DAY...
After the day is done and all the races have been run and won, the concourse where you enter and get drinks, tickets, bets etc, looks like a complete disaster zone of course - so why anyone would sit themselves down in the middle of all that litter and eat anything is totally beyond me...
Aintree is the North's answer to Royal Ascot, but they have a long way to go before they are viewed in the same smart fashion spotlight as that racing event of course - the girls of the North would like to think that they are a smart sassy crowd and certainly don't need anyone to tell them what not to wear, but seriously, here is all the evidence you need to charge quite a few ladies with Crimes against Fashion...
Next up in my Wedding Month series is my post concerning Bridal Fashion Week : Spring 2012, which is taking place in New York as we speak...all the newest designer wedding dress fashions from the top New York designers, and Paris follows straight afterwards...so stay tuned !!
WHAT NOT TO WEAR
(AND HOW NOT TO BEHAVE !!)
How to behave and how not to behave is one of those things that you get taught at a very early age, hopefully...what isn't so obvious to a lot of people is what not to wear and how not to behave when you've had a skin-full, and sadly, most of those people find their way up to Aintree every year around this time and get to mingle with the crowd...then the Press manage to sniff the worst offenders out like hungry hounds - which is pretty appropriate as, frankly, there were more dogs than Crufts at this year's event !!
What's more sad though, for the better-behaved and the better-dressed amongst all the ladies there, is that it's always the badly behaved and the badly dressed lot that get all the publicity...huh, typical !! You spend a fortune getting the perfect outfit and getting the most amazing hat, but when the photos come out in the press, it's all about the over-tanned, over-made-up girls in the low-cut tops and the shorter than short mini-skirts swigging from the beer bottle that get their pictures in the papers the next day !! Life's so unfair...
So without further ado, let's go and see what everyone got up to at the biggest race meeting in the north...
THE WORST OF THE WORST DRESSED !!
The day after these photos were released to the newspapers, journalist and TV personality Janet Street-Porter wrote an absolutely scathing piece about the fashions on show at Ladies Day last Friday - it happens to be in the Daily Mail, but never mind - her piece is here :-
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1375510/Girls-North-great-DO-dress-like-Lily-Savage.html
Do go and read as it's so true...these women really do behave as if they are drag queens and burlesque artistes...and yes, even Lily Savage would find most of these outfits completely garish and in the worst possible taste !!
AWFUL OUTFITS
So let's launch straight into the first category - that of outfits that were simply awful - these were the dresses which were just plain weird, tasteless and/or garishly accessorised or just plain hideous, without any relief at all...and the first few suffer the same fate - that of being either shapeless or far too frilly for words, and also being worn without any tights, exposing the worst of the pasty white legs that Britain is famous for, and with the most hideous clumpy shoes imaginable...
Therefore, you could say that these are dresses that are on to a losing streak before they've even left the closet...
The first dress is absolutely shapeless, and the second is way too tight and way too short, with huge sleeves which overshadow the rest of the dress...and both of them feature pasty white legs - unattractive at the best of times - go and get the tanning gel out if you think of doing this, but don't overdo it - an orange fake tan is almost worse !!
These two dresses wouldn't be too bad at all - if only they hadn't gone with the clumpy shapeless ankle boots option...this looks so bad !! They have the effect of shortening the wearer's legs and accentuating any flaw - now both these women have pretty good legs as it happens, but they certainly aren't being flattered by the choice of footwear, that's for sure !!
Both of these dresses are so unbelievably frilly and balloon-like, especially the first one which has got to be an 80s throwback - I do wish she'd thrown it back into the closet...and again, bare legs - in April when it is still cold in the shade at least - and the second girl has the worst taste in wearing pink Doc Marten boots - with a dress !! Now I do sort of get this, strangely, in an ironic way - rather like the sort of thing that Helena Bonham-Carter would wear, but this girl isn't Helena, and this isn't really working at all...
Oh my Gawd - this looks like a frilly 80s Austrian Blind bubble-dress...and as for the bumble-bee down below - well, I have no words !!
These next few ladies show us what it means to be slightly older and a fashion victim...
This is what happens when you stay in a hair colour rut - you can't tell me that this lady decided on a whim that this colour would be a great idea - she's almost certainly been dying her hair shocking pink ever since the 80s...if it isn't actually a wig - which frankly, looking at the forehead jewellery she is sporting, it could well be !!
The lady on the right in the short shift dress is actually Coleen Rooney's mum, and could have done a lot better by taking some fashion advice from her daughter...this dress is so shapeless that it is making her look fatter than she already is...it's accentuating her size something awful !! She should see my 'Rules for Overweight Ladies' down below...
Of course, there should be at least one corset making an appearance - and here it is, a if by magic !! There should also be at least one girl in something far too young for her age...the green blouse is fine, but that white thing actually looks like one of her childhood dresses with the wide straps hitching it up short !! I mean, seriously - what did she think this looked like ?
Watch out - here come the pink, purple and red brigade - these are the women for whom just one bright colour isn't nearly enough, and so grouping together in one huge clashing hot-coloured mish-mash of shades is a must !!
And the girl on the left is a whole lot of colour just on her own....
Over on the Flikr Hive Mind site, you can call up the Aintree tag and produce a whole lot of amazing pictures of this event, taken by loads of people who attended themselves...and I picked out this one straightaway - this lady is just so far and away one of the worst cases of mutton dressed as lamb, it's just not true...I bet from the back, she looks like she might be a really fashion-forward young lady with a taste for romantic flowery hats and shredded tops...a bit punky, but with a fair streak of romanticism - in other words, possibly a potential hot date - right ?!! (Many thanks to Flikr user : Photonutter for this amazing photo - it says so much - I love it !!)
FAR TOO FAT !!
Now, we're getting down to the real nitty-gritty with this section - not to put too fine a point on it, this is what you look like should you be even a teensy bit overweight, and wearing the wrong size or the wrong style for your shape and/or age...you have been warned !!
(Let's just say that this is a subject that is very dear to my heart right now, being in the middle of trying to lose about thirty to forty pounds of excess weight myself - I'm currently 17 lbs down, with about another 20 lbs to go !! So don't anyone even consider accusing me of being in any way sizeist here - I know first-hand just how utterly damaging all this excess weight can be, both to your physical and to your mental well-being !!)
Actually, the excess weight isn't the issue here - it's the choice of dresses, in both styles and sizes that clearly don't suit the wearers that troubles me...
Oh my Gawd, I can feel this poor lady's weight dragging her down with every step - I sympathise, I really do !!
The other girl is positively lightweight in comparison, but she is still wearing the wrong size - look how this dress is wrinkling around her hips - and for goodness sake - get a good bra - her bosom is being flattened and is practically down to her waist !!
The same goes for this lady in white, below left...her poor breasts have been flattened to within an inch of their lives - this must be so uncomfortable !! I also can't for the life of me work out what is going on with her head - is that a hat she is wearing, and if so, why is it so small - is it actually on the head of someone behind her ?
As for the girl on the right - well, Victorian nightie anyone ?!! Talk about a ship in full sail...
All the ladies below are suffering from the lifelong effects of a desperately poor diet and an over-glamorous self-image !! They really don't look good, do they ?!! They have all fallen for the idea that the maxi-dress is the latest thing and it will hide their size maybe ?...
Well, I have news for you ladies - it won't - at all !!
I actually don't know which is worse - the idea of a maxi dress which covers up all your wobbly bits, but also makes you look like a ship in full sail, or the short shift dress which makes you look fat and cold, especially if you have no tights...and exposes your fat knees !! Even if you wear colour-co-ordinated tights, it still looks scary...
RULES FOR OVER-WEIGHT LADIES:-
Here are some salient rules to follow when choosing an outfit for a racing event like this, or that big family wedding you are going to later in the year...now I love the fact that all these ladies above have made the effort to get dressed up for this event, but - oh please - who are they trying to kid ?!! 'Tis a really difficult thing, getting that balance right when you are a Ten-ton Tess, but there are a few good ideas:-
1. Please make sure that your chosen outfit actually fits correctly - if in doubt, go for one size bigger and don't get hung up on numbers - so what if it's actually a size 24 ? If it looks better, so be it...That way the dress will skim your body all the way down rather than cling to it exposing all your rolls of fat...and there's no better way to look slimmer than you actually are !!
2. Make sure that your back view is exemplary - take a really good look in a proper reverse-mirrored fitting-room and adjust the size you are trying on accordingly...
3. Take a really good friend with you - some-one that you can trust to give you an honest constructive opinion - they're worth their weight in gold !!
4. Wear a really good supportive bra - actually, that's a good rule to follow all the time - get yourself professionally measured by a good bra-fitter !! There's nothing worse than breasts that are going their own way, which usually means sideways!! You can get minimiser bras too these days, which make them look a size smaller than they really are, without squashing them to death...
5. Talking of underwear, what about a really good quality, modern lightweight foundation garment of some kind - there are various types that involve tons of Lycra, which has a marvellous swimsuit effect of holding you in, smoothing out your rolls of fat and giving you a much better silhouette. Consider it...
6. Cover up your upper arms !! They tend to wobble when you move if you aren't careful - and no-one wants to see that - trust me !! Try a brightly coloured pashmina-style shawl or a sheer gauzy fabric stole if your dress is very glitzy - they look elegant and casually dressy, and they keep you a bit warm when the evening draws on...
7. Don't even consider any kind of mini...keep the neckline fairly low and the hemline lower - a teensy bit below the knee at least - otherwise, like Coleen Rooney's ma further up, you will look like a wide square block of colour and that's not good look !!
8. Choose a big hat if you are tall, or a big showy fascinator if you're on the short side - and if you are not going for the hat option, make sure that any jewellery you are wearing is larger and chunkier...the bigger statement pieces are more in scale than a delicate gold chain necklace...
Actually, the first three rules in this list apply to everyone...
BAD MAKE-UP
Aintree Ladies Day is more famous for the bad fashion on show than the good fashion, which is a real shame, because there are plenty of girls who get it right, as my first piece showed...however, it's a situation that isn't being helped at all by the sheer quantity of girls who simply trowel on the slap like there's no tomorrow...really , ladies - do you seriously think that the orange fake tan is honestly a great look ? Is it really necessary to wear such massive amounts of blusher and highlighter - on a sunny summer's day ? For God's sake, you're not going clubbing...
The other thing is applying lipstick in public used to be a big no-no in years gone by, but I think this is a rule that needs to be re-introduced as a good concept - perhaps it could be given as advice in young girls magazines etc, alongside how to apply a condom and how to say 'No'...
The rules of public behaviour should include things like this |:-
1. Don't, under any circumstances, apply any kind of make-up anywhere other than a public loo or your own bathroom / bedroom dressing-table...and that means on the bus or train to work, in the street, or when you are waiting for a friend in a restaurant...it's, frankly, a slutty habit !! It looks terrible...
2. You shouldn't look like two different colours where your neck joins your face - foundation is meant to be the same shade as your own skin - it's simply there to smooth out blemishes, not to change the colour you naturally are...in other words, it won't give you a tan...
3. Too much lipstick is as bad as not enough - maybe even a bit worse...and lip-liner pencil is OK as long as the lipstick is still there - when the lipstick disappears it looks daft...
Far too much lipstick and far too much bosom on show...
Too much blusher - and it actually matches her hair !!... Too much eye-shadow...
BAD HAIR...
Too many black roots showing - this is one of the worse hair-crimes of all - if you bleach your hair in any way, please don't let us all know about it ..
MAD HAIR...
Here's a whacky thing I came across while I was looking for photos for this piece - this is Rachel Lea who decided that she didn't want to wear a hat, but instead would get her hair dresser to do something whacky with her hair instead...so hairdresser Toni Garden from the Voodou salon in Liverpool, got to work...with startling results !!
TRASHY DRESSES !!
As well as the awful overdone make-up and over-bleached hair - what else didn't go down too well at Aintree this year - well, the slutty dress choices of course - there was plenty of trashiness I can tell you...just take a look at this little lot :-
THE LOW-CUT, BACKLESS, MINI-DRESS
Too low-cut in front, too low-cut in the back and far too short - any one of these things would be fine on their own, but not all three together please !!
GYPSIES, TRAMPS AND THIEVES...
This is one style of dress that has been gaining immense popularity lately, I am very distressed to say - it seems to be coming from the Gypsy / Traveller sector in the UK and is immensely popular with girls who think that there is nothing more sexy than baring too much skin...it's a dress that thinks it's a bikini up top, and a maxi down below...
I know that I have featured a couple of dresses with cut-outs at the sides in my previous post, but these are far worse examples here...the green dress on the left is simply awful - tarty and cheap-looking, and the girl on the right isn't helping her case by having fake red hair and huge gypsy-style earrings - and a scowl on her face...
Here below is a further example of the Gypsy wedding-dress effect...that documentary I was talking about in my 'Awful Wedding Dresses 2011' post recently, has had more of an effect than I had dreamed possible...
This one below is simply horrific - just look at all the side-boob showing in the photo below...and the girl wearing it has the two-tone hair that I hate too...as if the dress wasn't enough !!
Oh please - put them away...
Here's a few more to add to the roster of fashion crimes going on at Aintree last weekend - see, I told you this was an absolute skank-fest, didn't I ?!!
If you find yourself being featured in this post, don't come complaining to me - these photos are all over the Internet, and if it's you, then you should take a long hard look at what you chose to wear - try and see what all the press are getting at, and learn from it, because honestly - the name 'Aintree Ladies Day' is going to have to be reconsidered soon if things don't change for the better !!
LADIES BEHAVING BADLY...
Of course, it wasn't just about the bad dress choices was it - there was also a whole array of terribly slutty behaviour on show, fuelled mainly by far too much alcohol...firstly though, a couple of men behaving badly..
LIFE'S A DRAG ...
There were just a couple of people whose gender is frankly up for discussion...what d'you reckon ?...
The first one I am having trouble deciding, but the second is definitely a guy - he was at Aintree last year, dressed in a pale peach frilly mini-dress and the highest of killer heels - I recognise him and his rose tattooes...simply marvellous !!
The word 'drag' of course, also refers to the act of smoking - and just look at how slovenly it really looks, when you're wearing a hat...at least don't stand there with a fag hanging out of your mouth...
TOO DRUNK TO STAND UP...
There was a copious amount of alcohol being consumed at Aintree as usual, of course, during the course of the whole day...and for some people it all became too much to handle...
For the lady on the left, her dress decided to mutiny - thank goodness she had a couple of really good mates to help her off the racecourse...she also looks like she's had far too much bubbly !!
The other two had real problems with their stupidly high shoes - remember, too much drink makes the ground wobble, so your shoes should be safe to walk in, whatever the terrain - and Aintree is notoriously bumpy grassy ground...
HITCHING A LIFT...
Talking of stupidly high shoes, these girlies found out that a big hulking boyfriend is the best option when you need a piggyback...when your feet ache beyond redemption, just take the weight off your heels and hitch a lift - isn't that what boyfriends are for, after all...
Just make sure that there are no Press photographers around when you climb on his back...
For Gawd's sake - a little decorum here, please !!
STREAKING - THAT GREAT BRITISH TRADITION...
It used to be the football pitch that attracted the streakers in our society, but now it seems that Aintree is going the same way - this is an old time-honoured tradition in the British sporting-fan fraternity of course, and it was an extremely popular bit of fun back in the 70s, usually indulged in by men !!
The game was to take off all your clothes and run across the pitch, hopefully getting yourself photographed by the press and onto all the front pages of the newspapers the next day - however you usually ended up in a police cell for the night with a healthy charge of being Drunk and Disorderly - in the absence of a better crime - or if you weren't actually drunk, you may be charged under the Public Decency Act...however, you didn't often see girls being led off the racecourse by the police...
Off come the dresses and tops, and away they go...
It's a fair cop...
THE END OF THE DAY...
After the day is done and all the races have been run and won, the concourse where you enter and get drinks, tickets, bets etc, looks like a complete disaster zone of course - so why anyone would sit themselves down in the middle of all that litter and eat anything is totally beyond me...
Aintree is the North's answer to Royal Ascot, but they have a long way to go before they are viewed in the same smart fashion spotlight as that racing event of course - the girls of the North would like to think that they are a smart sassy crowd and certainly don't need anyone to tell them what not to wear, but seriously, here is all the evidence you need to charge quite a few ladies with Crimes against Fashion...
Next up in my Wedding Month series is my post concerning Bridal Fashion Week : Spring 2012, which is taking place in New York as we speak...all the newest designer wedding dress fashions from the top New York designers, and Paris follows straight afterwards...so stay tuned !!
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