We’ve had a bit of a break from the Hamptons, so let’s catch up! Daniel is wavering between Sara Smile and Emily, Charlotte is the spitting image of her mother in manipulation, Nolan is still looking fine as hell, and Emily is plotting domination of the Grayson clan. So, just a normal day for Southampton’s finest. Let’s see what’s happening on this, the eve of Daniel and Emily’s wedding (and the day before she’s set to disappear).
Lindsay: Lydia is still a bitch. I really need to know how she survived a fiery plane crash, but, as Jess and I also review Scandal, I have come to recognize that literally anything is possible. Lydia demands some free swag from Margaux and then shows up a Grayson Manor to throw all of Victoria’s Calvin Klein sheaths onto the lawn. Homegirl is psycho. Getting some serious Nanny Carrie vibes over here.
Jess: Turns out Victoria saved Lydia from that plane crash oh so long ago, and the deal was that Lydia was never supposed to come out of hiding. Apparently she’s been waitressing in a tropical locale until now. Picture that for a second, please. If Lydia was your waitress, you’d think she poisoned everything she brought you just because of her perma-stinkface. After making some vague threats on Conrad and Victoria’s glamorous Grayson lifestyle, Lydia pushes Emily down one marble stair in the Grayson Manor foyer (television symmetry: remember when a pregnant Amanda fell over the balcony in that same foyer? RIP.), causing Daniel to FREAK OUT and thus reveal to Victoria that Ems is preggers. Conrad is overjoyed and Victoria is convinced she’s lying. Potato, potahtoh. When Ems and Danny are later cornered by paparazzi, Daniel lays into his mother, convinced she leaked the story. She, in turn, tells Daniel that she and Emily both know about his night with Sara, but Daniel reiterates that he’s marrying Emily no matter what.
Lindsay: Ugh, this “poor little baker” thing is still happening? Sara, we know Daniel gave you a diamond necklace and you love him, but girl, just pawn that rock and go somewhere else. Graysons ain’t nothing but heartache and vodka gimlets. Sara goes to Charlotte to quit her job at the fish shack, er, bar and Charlotte pulls her best mini-Vic and tries to convince her to stay. Oh, Sara, you’re getting #bangsed (and not, I’m sure, in the way you want).
Jess: Charlotte confronts Danny Boy while he’s working out, and Daniel repeats for the 4 millionth time to the females in his life that he is marrying Emily. Literally, he says this to Vic, Charlotte, Sara, and Emily over the course of the episode. Charlotte does seem to genuinely care about her brother, so for a second it seems like she’s going to relent on the Sara front. She even goes so far as to apologize to Emily for being a craptastic Maid of Honor and arranges a mani-pedi for the bride-to-be. There’s a twinge of supreme guilt in Emily’s eye when Charlotte claims her newfound niceness is due to their sisterly bond...because Char’s talking through marriage, while Emily’s thinking about their actual blood, we-share-the-same-father, connection.
Lindsay: Lydia isn’t so good at this undercover thing, and she makes herself known to Conrad by inviting him to a hotel room under the guise of him being interviewed for the cover of Time magazine. Is Time even published anymore, Conrad? His megalomania gets the best of him, he goes, and boom: there’s his old mistress, dressed like an updated version of Alexis Morell Carrington from Dynasty. Ladies, too many diamonds for day: You don’t have to give it all away at once, ya know? Anyway, Conrad leaves, and it’s revealed that Lydia recorded their “oh my God, you’re alive, blah” conversation. Guess who else is in the hotel? Our brother-from-another-continent Aiden, and he calls Margaux to let it out of the bag that her source is taking visitors, something she specifically told Lydia not to do. Margaux cans their “arrangement” (and, unfortunately, for ‘Gaux) and her story.
Jess: However, Nolan then visits Margaux claiming to have a lead for her, after Jack asked him to bug her computer so they can keep tabs on her Conrad research. Turns out Nolan wanted Jack to confess all the horrible things Conrad’s done to Jack (dead Amanda, dead Declan) to give Margaux the chance to choose Jack over the Conrad story. She does. Blah, blah, happy ending for them (for now).
Nolan’s doing favors all over the place, including one for Aiden that involves something “not part of Emily’s plan.” We don’t know what it is, but it might have something to do with the diamond ring Aiden presents to Emily...I mean, Amanda Clarke...in front of a crackling fire (in August?) and a bottle of sake after they take care of a crucial piece of her “framing Victoria for murder plan” (firing a gun that will soon be delivered to Queen V so that it gets gun residue on one of Victoria’s diamond bracelets). That’s right, folks, Emily is now engaged twice over! Or perhaps the favor was the forged passports that bestow Nolan’s own last name on Emily and Aiden. You see, Nolan insists that Emily and Aiden be “distant cousins” so that they can arrange some super secret visits in the future. Aw, Nolan, there you go, tugging on my heart strings once again.
Lindsay: Sara meets Daniel at the Bait Shop (anything is a better name than The Stowaway) to tell him that she’s dunzo with him and this whole rich girl/poor girl love triangle, especially because Emily is (allegedly) Pregs McGee. Daniel agrees, saying that he’s in love with Sara, but he doesn’t want his child to be the product of a broken home like he was. Fair enough, Danny Boy. She gives back the diamond necklace, and he drops it in Fort Pond Bay like the old lady dropped it into the ocean at the end. (Aw, he shouldn’t have).
Jess: And in the last few seconds of the night before the wedding, we get two major wrenches thrown into Emily’s plan. One, Lydia finds another copy of the New Year’s Eve party photo with black-banged Emily in the background (the one she almost used once to take EMs down, before “falling” off of an apartment building) in Conrad’s files (after they get back together, which, who cares?). Two, Victoria personally hands Emily her RSVP to the wedding, marked, “declines to attend.” Uh, you can’t frame the lady for murder if she’s not even there, Ems. How will you fix this mess with mere hours to go?
- I want that white waffle sweater Nolan’s wearing. Gimme. And, with the cargo pants, he looks like a member of 98 Degrees in “The Hardest Thing” video. He’s just missing lip gloss.
- Margaux’s hair is really working for her. Lovin’ that short ‘do.
- Emily’s cobalt blue dress is a revelation. Great color on her. And sort of Victoria-esque, no?
- Vertical striped blazer with a yellow, cable-knit sweater underneath? Oh, Nolan, behave.
- “And now he’s marrying that charlatan.” - Victoria, speaking of Emily. Lady, get over it. (Conrad agrees).
- “I would offer you a cocktail… if you weren’t with child.” - Nolan, mixing midday cocktails like a proper WASP.
- “I think you’ve pretty much cornered the market on falling, don’t you think?” - Emily, to Lydia. #FallingOffAnApartmentBuildingBurn
- “Well, I guess I’m going to have to get a new hobby.” - Nolan, after confirming with Emily that everything is set for sabotage.
Well, there you have it: Emily’s plan is all set for Victoria’s takedown. Until, that is, Victoria announces she won’t be at the wedding (though the previews for next week show her there, so, come on, ABC). Won’t you join us next week for the winter wedding finale? We can’t wait to see who shot Emily (and what Nolan will be wearing, duh).