The Biggest Deal-Breakers from the Applications of the New 'Bachelorette' Contestants
(ABC)What do you do when you go on national TV to find a husband and fail? Do it again, obviously. That's how The Bachelorette works, and this time it's Andi Dorfman — the one who ripped Juan Pablo a new one before quitting his season — who gets the chance to pick a mate from love and/or fame starved admirers.
Andi's season starts next Monday, but ABC has already released the names and pictures of her potential suitors, and boy are their mini-bios just the best (in that unintentionally hilarious kind of way). Hopefully Andi gets a chance to see the Q&A portion of the guys' applications because some of them have a few red flags.
Bradley seems like a nice enough guy, but let's be honest: "Nice enough" is code for boring. Check out these non-answers:
Q: What does your ideal mate look like?
A: "She looks like the one that is right for me!"
Q: What's your worst date memory?
A: "Realizing there was no compatibility."
- Invisibility is a legitimate answer to "which superpower would you want?" if only because it's one of the first three people think of when asked that question. But Brett went the extra mile into creep territory when he explained why he wanted to be invisible: "to see all the weird stuff people do when they're alone." Of course, Brett, but you don't say that on a dating resume.
- What kind of hairstylist picks a mullet as his look of choice?
- One of his favorite movies is The Notebook, so we know he's a liar.
- The most embarrassing moment of his life — his ENTIRE life — was shooting an airball in a basketball game, so again, liar.
- Craig may be a tad too wild and crazy for Andi. After all, the "most outrageous thing [he's] ever done" is get a hole-in-one, not once, but TWICE. Extreme!
- You can probably file this under "needs more explanation," but Craig's most embarrassing moment was "dressing as a stripper and stripping for [his] uncle's 50th birthday." A lot of question marks on that one.
- He also once puked on his date, so bring a poncho, Andi.
I'd be a little concerned that it was this much of a struggle to select Dylan's most interesting attributes for the above bio pic.
Producer 1: "So what are we going with for Dylan?"
Producer 2: "Well, he loves juice, Sports Illustrated, and games made for children... is that something?"
Producer 1: "Is that the best we've got?"
Producer 2: "Sadly, yes."
- You tell me his occupation is a real thing, and I'll take him off this list.
But it's not all bad news for Andi. Some of the guys had some decent answers:
StevenSteven may have tiny feet, but he's got a big sense of humor. Here's how he responded to the application's strangest question:
Q: Meatloaf said he would do anything for love, but he won't do that. What will you not do?
A: "I won't switch my cell phone carrier because I am grandfathered in with unlimited data."
ChrisChris wins the "keeping it real" award.
Q: What's your biggest date fear?
A: "Accidental diarrhea."
Mike seems to have a realistic perspective on this reality dating show thing.
Q: What is your most embarrassing moment?
A: "It could be this."
MarquelI think Marquel and I should be hetero-life-mates.
Q: What is a typical Saturday night like for you?
A: "My Saturday night consists of Netflix, cookies, and a glass of wine."
Who will Andi choose? The "journey" begins May 19. (For all the contestants full bios, head to ABC.com.)