Jesus Spoon

Man says image of Jesus appeared in spoon

Yeah, I know, people find religious images in odd places all the time. But, have you ever stopped to wonder – why these people? Or, why it is that they immediately want to sell these things on eBay? I mean, obviously there is a market for spoons and potatoes and corn flakes that resemble Jesus or Mary or William Taft. Sadly, the people that buy these items are never the people that discover them. What sort of cruel world do we live in that prevents the people who collect religiously themed food items from ever finding them naturally, while simultaneously revealing the most revered of collectables only to people who have active eBay accounts with at least 97% positive feedback? I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that if one morning while I was ravaging a bowl of oatmeal I looked down and saw God in my spoon, my first thought would be miles away from “I’m selling you man.” Probably it would be something more like “what was the number to that mental institution my wife keeps telling me about?”

Plus, if I told you I had a picture of Angela Lansbury in her skivvies, you would want to see it before you purchased it. If, upon seeing it, you said “Dude, that is not Angela Lansbury, that is Bea Arthur,” I would probably not make the sale. This type of consumer protection is natural because we have eyeballs and televisions, so we can visually identify Angela Lansbury or Bea Arthur without too much effort.

But, no one has ever seen a picture of Jesus, or Mary, or William Taft. So, when someone says “I saw Jesus in my spoon,” how can we argue, unless we say, “Dude, that’s not Jesus, that is David Crosby.” We can’t argue, obviously, but also, how can we confirm? Don’t think too hard – the answer is that we can’t. So, what the guy in the above article saw in his spoon was an image that resembled the artist’s recreation of what Jesus might have looked like, based on historical documents, interviews with really old people, and a strong western bias.

And, someone on eBay thinks that is good enough, and will pay a few thousand dollars for a dirty spoon. So, I’m thinking of creating an eBay account, because I too have an item with historical significance. My lawnmower makes the sound of a dying woolly mammoth – a creature that has been extinct for several billion years – I figure that’s worth at least a million dollars - not to me, but to some nut case with tons of money and no brain.

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