Animal Jokes

Butterscotch came upon us one moonlit and otherwise inconsequential night. There he suddenly and insistently was, meowingly clawing at our door, and my wife and I gave him some milk. He came the next night and we gave him some milk and fish. He must have been so satisfied with these two visits that the next night he came to stay. This scampering-pattering puff-ball of brownish-tan and white, assuming the form and function of cat, wouldn’t have himself feel like a stranger for long. As soon as...Read Full Story

Dogs from all over New York City, dressed in the cleverest if most humiliating costumes, marched in the annual Halloween Dog Parade in Tompkins Square Park. Appearing eerily depressed, these dauntless canines nevertheless strutted their costume-laden embarrassment to the best of their ability; their proud masters and the huddled spectators were similarly delighted. For the canines on display, the annual ritual means something different. Because it is on this day more than almost any other...Read Full Story

I know what this flustered feline is going through, amid today’s sudden onslaught of high-tech marvels. If the truth be told, I can’t make heads or tails out of my IPod either. Where is a good, non-high-tech sledgehammer when you really want one?Read Full Story

We Boxers are quite adept with a ball. Sometimes I take it to the top of the stairs and drop it so I can chase it. I can dribble it like a basket ball or play keep away from my pals with it. I will run after it , but I never give it back to whoever threw it without a tug of war. Eventually I let Brian think he's won by dropping the slimy, wet ball on the floor. He always falls for it and throws it again. Sucker!Of course, just when I'm feeling like a champ, I go to my favorite spot on the...Read Full Story

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.What is a cat's favourite song? Three Blind Mice.What did the freshman computer...Read Full Story

A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Cuddles has passed away."The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?""Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied."How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma...Read Full Story

A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side...Read Full Story

When Kit Carson wasn't out exploring, he lived on a small farm. One day, the famous frontiersman decided to surprise his wife with eggs and fish for breakfast. Arising early, he went down to the henhouse and collected some fresh eggs. There were only six. On the way back, he stopped at the pond and landed a magnificient large-mouth bass. He wasn't sure how to carry everything---then he had an idea. He carefully dropped the eggs inside the fish and started for home. Suddenly, the Western hero...Read Full Story

10. There's potpourri hanging from his/her collar.9. The dog's nails have been cut with pinking shears.8. The dog toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia bows.6. That telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.3...Read Full Story

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when all of a sudden a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes."Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold."And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman."Your third wish?" asks the fairy...Read Full Story