Separation Anxiety or Exaggerated Tears?

It’s very common for toddlers and children in their early 2’s to cling to their mothers and fathers when it comes time for them to leave. Many times for younger children they fear that they may never see their beloved parents again, even though we know this is not the case. In the life of a child, a minute is a day, an hour is a year, and if they aren’t back by bed time- then the child may think of them as being “long forgotten”. Even though this is quite extreme, we have a completely different since of time when compared to children and this for one must be kept in mind when dealing with their issues of being left behind.

A common difficulty when handling this issue is where to draw the line- between true “separation anxiety” and the child just not wanting the parent to leave and so they begin to “cry and whine”. This line must be determined in order not to encourage and reinforce whining, while comforting the child if they are in fact suffering from being separated from their mother or father.

So what do you do?

Tessa’s Tips:

1. It’s the hardest thing in the world to do- but you must disconnect your desire to “rescue” and “comfort” that crying baby and determine if the cry and behavior is true anxiety or just tears and frustration of being left.
2. If they are anxious comfort them and reassure them that they are loved and you will return soon. If they are crying and just want you to stay and desire attention- give them love as well. It’s the next step that’s key.
3. “Less talking and and more walking” Sadly, the parents can’t be there and know that it’s soon after the child is left they will calm down. There is only the initial anxiety and tears and crying that lasts for a few minutes and then 99% of the time the child almost immediately calms down.
So when you stay and try to comfort the child- it really only draws out the child’s anxiety and anguish. Even though walking away when your child is wailing- the faster you can walk the easier it will be on the parent, child and nanny or sitter.
4. Hang in there- leaving will become easier on everyone involved- just give it time and be strong!