BarelyPolitical

Puerto Rican Guy Outsources his Campaign November 3, 2008 “Nam daed a si luap.” “What?” “Klaatu barada nikto.” “What?” “E pluribus serilnbr?” “The serial number? You want the serial number?” “Daisy…daisy….give me your ans…” According to the Puerto Rican man, this was the entirety of the conversation when he “called somebody somewhere to somehow fix something.” It is also the reason, why he outsourced his entire campaign for President of the United States. “We no longer make anything!” he yelled on the corner of 116 th Street and Lexington Avenue, then pointed to every store in sight. “Our TV’s, computers, cell phones, dentures, underwear, ... Read Full Story

The Rapper’s Endorsement The Puerto Rican guy just received this urgent notice from State Senator Malcolm Smith. It’s only January 2009 and things are already getting desperate. You know you’re in trouble, when the politics of New York State depend on the endorsement of an over the hill rapper. Forward to Friends and Family January 1, 2009 LL Cool J Cool With Malcolm Smith Don’t knock him out. Published December 28, 2008 By Jacob Gershman LL Cool J wants embattled Democratic state senator Malcolm Smith to know the rapper has his back in Smith’s fight against the rogue Democrats still foiling him from becoming ... Read Full Story

The Rapper’s Endorsement The Puerto Rican guy just received this urgent notice from State Senator Malcolm Smith. It’s only January 2009 and things are already getting desperate. You know you’re in trouble, when the politics of New York State depend on the endorsement of an over the hill rapper. Forward to Friends and Family January 1, 2009 LL Cool J Cool With Malcolm Smith Don’t knock him out. Published December 28, 2008 By Jacob Gershman LL Cool J wants embattled Democratic state senator Malcolm Smith to know the rapper has his back in Smith’s fight against the rogue Democrats still foiling him from becoming ... Read Full Story

The Five Real Estate Handshakes: The Puerto Rican guy wants to restore confidence and integrity to our real estate industry. It all starts with the handshake. Since so many people refuse to read their contracts, bank loans, or home mortgage documents, we must establish some rules regarding handshake agreements. The Puerto Rican guy has integrated these rules into the Uniform Commercial Code (UCC). The rules will be binding in all 50 states. So follow them. 1. The Fail-Safe Connect the web between your index finger and thumb firmly with the other person’s. Pump two or three times. This is confident and appropriate, particularly when ... Read Full Story

Visit Twittley.com to read more about . Chubby Cheeks Financial Disclosure Statement NEW YORK, NY - In the Washington Heights section of New York City, a man named Chubby Cheeks is rapidly becoming a legend. He has developed an extraordinary skill, which has turned him into a hero. Here is Chubby Cheeks displaying his talent… Mr. Cheeks considers himself a role model for our urban youth. That’s why he’s running for U.S. Congress, against Cong. Charles Rangel. “We are fed up with lying politicians!” said Cheeks, after holding up the Bank of America on 171 st street and Broadway. “I am going to restore ... Read Full Story