From San Francisco to San Bernardino, to Concord, to ….
From San Francisco to San Bernardino, to Concord, to San Mateo, to San Leandro, to Bellevue (Washington), to Los Altos, to Mountain View, to Aptos, to Cupertino, back to San Francisco, to Los Gatos, to Milpitas, to San Jose, to Santa Cruz, Bonny Doon, Felton, Lompico, and Soquel and then Aptos again, and then to Salinas, Foster City and Monterey and Pacific Grove. I feel I am missing a few places.
In San Bernardino I lived there 9 years and in Los Altos I lived there just a little over 4 years. That is amazing to me as it seemed more like 14 years.
Even though I lived in Pacific Grove 20 years, I never lived in one house more than 2 years. I moved my daughter and I a lot. Around the corner, up the street, across the neighborhood, and once even across the street. It is amazing anyone could keep track of me. I was always sending out change of address cards. I never felt like any place was home or that I was comfortable or that I was safe. In reflection, my daughter says she does not remember moving so much. Maybe because nothing changed for her other than her address. She had the same friends, and the same school, and pretty much the same neighborhood. For me, it was always a new start, which did not last very long.
Once I left California I went to Coeur d’ Alene, Idaho for 18 months and then moved to Bend, Oregon where I have been for almost 6 years, in the very same house.
That is such a great feeling to me.
I do feel at home here in Bend and in this house. It is a rental, so one never knows.
I have to leave that up to the powers that be.
I rarely had someone stand up for me. I rarely trusted anyone. I rarely had close friends. When I was 12 my step-mother wanted me committed.
She convinced my dad I was crazy, hearing voices, talking to ghosts, making things move with my mind, could read her thoughts and had her all freaked out that I was going to attack her. He was never home, so he bought into it. It would have been a great way to get rid of me.
She took me to Stanford’s Children’s Hospital and for a week I went through all kinds of psychological testing. I am not yet ready to write about that. It actually is kind of an amusing story. I met Shirley Temple Black. I am not sure what she was doing there during that time. I think it was about 1965, 1966. I seem to remember that she was there because she was running for office and was making an appearance of some sort.
Anyway, it was a great surprise for me to see a grown up. To see that a child had actually made it to being a grown up. I wondered what it was like to be a grown up.
I figured at that time I would never know.
There were several child stars that influenced me. Hayley Mills, Patty Duke, Sally Field, and Shirley Temple Black. I wanted to be like Hayley with the accent, and the fun innocent and sweet girl like Patty Duke (who I now know had her own story), and bright and shiny like Sally Fields.
I read about Patty Duke and her rough life and attended a benefit where she was while living in Idaho. I scribbled a note on a napkin thanking her for saving my life, as it was her, more than anyone I seemed drawn to and I would enter her world in my fantasies and believe I could make it. I am not sure if she ever got it. I will never forget it. I did not have a mentor, so it was the fantasy of what TV allowed me to believe in that kept some hope alive. I believe that with all my heart.
