DADDY'S CALLING FADE IN: 1 EXT. DAY. It’s hot. We open on a pile of dog shit that’s covered by a horde of buzzing flies. There’s no sound except the flies and somewhere in the background the squeak of a faulty windscreen wiper. We PULL BACK to reveal... 2 EXT-A ROAD ON THE OUTSKIRTS-DAY A battered Ford is parked on the side of the deserted road. We watch for a moment or two as its faulty wiper wipes a dusty windscreen. 3 INT-THE FORD-DAY The DRIVER, a man who seems tired and worn...
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Just back from a few days in Cornwall and I have to say a nice rest. The weather was awful, everyday a total and absolute washout except Friday when it was almost sunny but hey, this is the UK. See some more of my holiday photos at the Strumpet Supplement. Anyway, I’d barely been back in the country an hour or two when I discovered a swingeing attack on my good self from a Mr Frank Bennett, his venom reproduced below in case you missed it in the comments section of The Strumpet… ‘Without...
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Saturday: In the early hours of Friday evening and in an unexpected display of smoke, sparks and clouds of rust, it is with some distress that I have to report that Ron Lyre our much-loved CEO and Editor) ground to a spectacular halt. (Writes Humphrey O'nions) Halfway through a speech designed to lift the moral of his loyal band of followers, Mr Lyre's assistants and bodyguards noted with some horror and consternation that RL'S realistic ginger wig had begun to spin of its own accord. As...
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In earlier days I was, believe it or not, a frequent churchgoer. As a young child and in the company of the nervous Irish woman who was charged to watch over me while my mother was away working, I made regular, if reluctant pilgrimages to the cold stone edifice known as St. Mary’s that stood like Dracula’s castle down by the docks. Unfortunately, whatever it is that you’re supposed to get from regular religion never rubbed off on me. I was an ungrateful, bitter child who must have tested...
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1. I haven’t cleaned up the kitchen/oven/surfaces after cooking (I actually have but not to her high standards). 2. I shouldn’t have had chips for dinner (French fries). 3. The kitchen smells of er…cooking (?) 4. The whole house smells of cooking. 5. I haven’t done the ironing. 6. I haven’t re-potted the plants she asked me to re-pot about two weeks ago. 7. The bottom of my shoes are muddy and have left marks on the carpet. 8. The lounge area floor has unread newspapers strewn all over...
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It's an epidemic that's been sweeping through college football this season. It has fan bases divided. It makes me ill every time it happens.
Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum-Da-Dum-Dum
Ugh it still makes me sick to my stomach as it plays in my head. Yes, if you have figured it out, it the abuse of the White...
A special version of “Eagle Eye” helps inaugurate the new digital IMAX theater at the AMC Barrywoods. Coming next: “Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa” (left) Nov. 7 and “The Day the Earth Stood Still” Dec. 12. Da-dum, da-dum … Executive ...
Researchers have harnessed the awesome power of grid computing to answer one of the great mysteries facing mankind: what exactly does an epigonion sound like? At the risk of stating the obvious, an epigonion is ...