“How to Instill ‘Good’ (no wait…’Great’) Character in Your Teen or Tween”
Part II: “There Is No Time Like Quality Time”
“Personal example carries more weight than preaching.”
Chinese Proverb
So now that we have the “basics” out of the way [refer to the blog post "How to Instill 'Good' (no wait...'Great') Character in Your Teen or Tween" Part I: The Basics], we can move on to the value of spending quality time together. Many teens and tweens are seeing their parents less and less these days. Whether you are a single parent or a household blessed to have BOTH parents living happily together, the need for more than one income to survive is more a necessity than ever before. So, how do we deal with this reality? We have to get a little “creative” in how and what quality time really is all about. Make sure that whatever amount of time you have together that it truly is time of, well, QUALITY! (and no, I do not mean sitting silently together watching the news or maybe not so quietly while you watch the latest episode of “American Idol”). Here are some ideas that may help to start churning those mental juices of how to incorporate quality time into the life of you and your teen (and for that matter….quality time with the adults in your life as well):
1. Breaking Bread…without the TV!: Since I already mentioned the television, I will start with this point. It is nearly impossible to have quality conversation and “connect” with each other when you are competing with the latest episode of “The Mentalist” or the season finale of “The Bachelor”. Mealtime, for most families, is one of the few times when everyone is together in one place at the same time. Why not make the most of it? Even if this does not occur everyday, make it a time that not only you, but your teen also, will look forward to. Talk about not only what is happening in your day to day lives, but talk about current events and how each of you may feel about it or interpret it. Bring up issues that may weigh on your minds and talk openly about it. After a while, this type of interaction may prove to be even more entertaining and fulfilling than what TV (in general nowadays) has to offer. 
2. Pray Together and Stay Together: Regardless of your chosen religion or faith, the need for a spiritual foundation is key to you and your teens (or tweens) mental and emotional health (and studies have shown that those who practice some form of spirituality have a lower incident of heart disease and depression). So, why not make this an activity you do togehter on a regular basis? It can start as simply giving thanks for things that happened to each of you that day. Then, it grow into a more dedicated prayer and worship time. The point here is not only to spend quality time together, but to also make it quality time to grow together spiritually as well.
3. Action Pact!: We all know that as tweens become teens, they want to spend more and more time with their friends and less with mom and/or dad. And in this day and age of Blackberry’s and IPads, we all “live and breathe” by our already too cluttered schedules (and this includes teens too). However, and I speak from experience now that my own mother is no longer with me, the times I spent doing things with her as a teenager are some my fondest memories. Why not carve out a specific day and time (movie night on Fridays, or mall time on Saturdays, or going to the zoo or park once a month) and make it a set appointment!? Make it a top priority and stick to it…no excuses and no cancellations. Memories will be captured for a lifetime and the bond between you will be strengthened.
4. Have a service plan: And to piggy-back off of the previous point, try to incorporate community service, together as a family, into those schedules activities. While it is very important to help others as much as we can, you can also help the relationship and bond between you and your teen/tween by simply picking a service-oriented activity (like serving at the local food pantry or volunteering at a nursing home) to do together. This will also, by default, help to instill better character and a sense of duty in your teen as well.
5. The lost art of reading: While modern technology is fantastic…it has also created a “lone wolf” mentality in many teens as well as adults. It is soo easy to come home, jump on the computer and check email without saying a word to your spouse, your parent, etc. It is easy to totally ignore what someone is saying in order to concentrate on the text message you are sending out. Waaayyy back when, before computer, TV, and even radio, families had to rely on each other for entertainment. One way they spent time together was to read and read aloud to everyone. This practice has truly become a lost art. Now, even if sitting around a fire reading to each other does not appeal to you (I, frankly, like the idea)…you can take the idea in and of itself and find a way to incorporate reading as a family as a way to spend quality time with each other.
I hope you find these ideas just the “tip of the iceberg” as they say! Please try to find other creative ways to get that much needed quality time. And, we will talk about some ideas to help prepare teens for adulthood in the next post. See ya then!
Blessings!
Traci
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