Will It Be The Same?


My first best friends in kindergarten were two white girls whom I still keep in contact with today. After that, I became close to a girl who was Filipino but was from New Zealand, next was my tripod of black girl, Polish-Italian girl, and another fellow black girl. Then came my close relationship with a frenemy, if you will, who was Lebanese, and now I'm close with my best friend (and one of the most genuine friends I've ever had) whose Jewish. I list these past and current close friendships to lay out how many different type of friends I have had, and how diverse my group of friends was and still is. I was never the girl who only talked to black girls or only dated or was friends with black guys. Primarily because many of them felt I was too white for them. Go figure (see last entry).
I do wonder though, if at college I will find myself in situations where all different types of black people will be possible friends, and if I will associate with only people of my own background. When I go to college I want to be involved in a diversity club, and perhaps a black student group of some sort, too. I just always find (forgive me if I am wrong, or just generalizing, but a lot of times this is what I experience) that I am always ridiculed within my own racial group! I am tired of having random, foreign fingers fondle my hair and feel around my ponytail while asking "Is that your real hair?!" or being told "you have that good hair" and being viewed as 'snobby' because I am lighter than a lot of the deeper shades of brown within our culture. Sorry, but this has proven to not be to my liking. I don't know if the "is that a wig or a weave" question is only an elementary/secondary school type of encounter and if we, as a group, grow out of this ridiculous colorism or internal yearning for some sort of European features or... if this is just the way it is.
I am excited to go to college to find out, because it seems like the black students selected to attend my school (highly competitive, not a lot of diversity) are mainly selected because they are good at basketball or football. This leaves me with minimal black friends at my school, and only a few from younger years, or family members. Only one more year until I find out!
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