Owing to the success of my good friend Rush Limbaugh’s diet, I have decided to go public with a very personal problem I have had for years.  Now I know what you are thinking:  “Own your body, Blanca.  Love you body, Blanca.  Accept your body, Blanca.”

Well I would, but unfortunately fat chicks don’t get on Fox News.  Unless you have perky tits and a firm ass and an hourglass shape, you don’t have a Snowe’s chance in hell of getting any airtime.  If I ever hope to get a shot at being mounted by Shepherd Smith, there is only one alternative for Blanca:  lose the weight.

Now I could partner with Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers, but they seem to have something against racists, homophobes, and misogynists.  So unfortunately, I am going to have to go it alone, just like my poor (foot) ball-less friend Rush.

This is the first day of my weight watch.  Officially I weigh 266 pounds.  Every week I will weigh in and let you know my progress.

Weight loss is something, which transcends politics.  Weight problems lead to diabetes, heart disease, strokes, and possibly cancer.

So join Blanca as she strives to be thin like the Christian folk on Fox News and not fat like that evil liberal Michael Moore.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get some Popeye’s.