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Bryan Adams on the Pan Pipes (or why I am learning to love the Swedish queue system)

By nosheosindoors on | From noshoesindoors.wordpress.com

The fun starts here!

Queueing, queueing, queueing… if it was possible to queue to be in a queue I’m sure Swedes would find a way to do it. In virtally every daily interaction with a service provider in Sweden you will have to enter a queue system to be served. You quickly are conditioned upon entering a location to scour the room predator-style for a ticket machine to secure that precious number that puts you in line to be attended to. You then join the haphazardly scattered group of people clutching tickets worshipping at a numbered display indicating who is currently being served. Welcome to the Swedish queue system.

Is the obsessive use of automated queueing systems really necessary? To be honest who really cares about such an answer when partaking in the Swedish queue system provides such a goldmine of amusement in otherwise mundane scenarios.

There are definite advantages to the Swedish automated queueing system. Having a regulated system ensures individuals with disabilities or elderly people find it easier to be served. Also, in a setting in which you might want privacy, such as a pharmacy, when your number is called you have the sole attention of the pharamacist where you can discuss issues in private if you wish. This might not happen if you were to be served on the shop floor with other members of the public fighting for staff attention. Taking a ticket also frees you from being confined to a physical line of people constantly shuffling forward to be served. You can take your ticket and browse the store or sit down and relax until your number is called. This is a distinct advantage when it comes to marathon queues (think Skatteverket or Migrationsverket). You can usually estimate the time you have left before your number will be called and often leave the building and return when you have reached the top of the queue.

In Ireland automated queue systems are rarely used unless there are so many people waiting that it is physically impossible to keep track of who was there before you. In a doctor’s surgery, for example, you would enter the waiting room, note all the people who are waiting and assume that once they have all left the room that you are next. If it’s not a sitting situation, people will form a physical queue for a service or there will usually be enough staff for individuals to find it easy to get their attention within a few moments of arriving.

Why the culture of automated queueing in Sweden? I can’t really tell but I can only assume it gives Swedes some kind of comfort to know they have physical proof of their place in the queue and puts order in a situation which they might otherwise find stressful. You only have to look at Swedish bus stops to see what happens when Swedes are not provided with an automated queue system. People seem to have lost the basic social skills of waiting and feel an innate need to force order on a period of time which needs no order whatsoever. You’re waiting for a bus. If it’s not rush hour or you do not have a realisitic fear that you willl not get a seat on the next approaching bus there is no need to panic. Chill out. Read a book. Play angry birds on your phone. Make objects out of cloud shapes. Ponder diplomatic relations between countries. Chat with friends. Instead, everyone forms an impromptu queue around an imagined spot where the bus will open its doors. Take an SAS flight from Dublin to Stockholm. You can always separate the Swedes and the Irish. The Swedes are standing in an orderly queue at the gate about an hour before boarding time while the Irish are in the bar or in the seated area. Everyone on the flight has a pre-allocated seat. There are enough seats for everyone who is boarding the plane. Yet the Swedes still feel comforted by the fact that they are in a queue. Who is correct? Well both groups seem perfectly happy so I see no need for either to change. I’m sure we provide endless amusement for each other!

Amusingly Awkward Swedish Queue Scenarios:

The Empty Shop: You enter an empty shop. You see two members of staff look in your direction from behind a counter. Do you approach them? Are you insane? Did you not get a number? Yes, even though you are the only member of the public in that shop, you must locate the automated ticket machine, walk over to it, press the little button, take your freshly dispensed numbered ticket and only then approach the counter.

Two Queues for Three ATMS: Quite often at an atm (cash machine) or ticket machine there are actually 2 or 3 machines with individual queues for each. Now this is where you get the hilarious scenarios. Take, for example, you enter one of two lines for 3 ATMs. You are not quite sure why no one is queueing at that ATM but now you are far enough in the queue to not risk popping out of the queue to see if it is out of order as you will be expected to re-queue from the end of the line. This can result in a perfectly functioning ATM or ticket machine going unused until someone has the courage to suffer the potential social embarrassment and see if the machine works. Ah, the awkwardness, I relish in it.

The Queue-Skipper ‘Retaliation’: You are in a queue when someone barges in front of you and enters the queue without following the expected ‘queue behaviour’. In most other countries this scenario would result in someone either politely telling the queue-skipper that they had obviously mistaken the end of the line or a more heated exchange. The Swedish reaction? Anything except make eye-contact with the offender. Usually it will involver some deep intakes of breaths, a bit of a feet shuffle and might even extend to looking for subtle eye-contact support from other queue members after which they feel it is okay to mumble some comment barely audible to the rest of the queue let alone the offender. It makes for a really amusing queueing experience.

I must admit I do have a secret love for one particular part of the queuing system in Sweden: returned telephone call queues. Now this is no ordinary never-ending telephone queue (although be assured they do exist, a lot!). When available, it means you simply ring up and enter your phone number through an automated service, hang up and they will ring you back once you are at the top of their queue. It’s revolutionary. No more listening to Bryan Adams on the pan pipes interjected with ‘your call is important to us’ for an hour. I take it back Sweden. I will suffer any amount of unnecessary automated queue systems if it means I do not have to stay on hold listening to Bryan Adams on the pan pipes. Now point me in the direction of the ticket dispenser. I see the light!