One of the more difficult tasks we face in this life is how to rebuild trust in a relationship. Once trust is compromised or broken, there’s a suspicion present that wasn’t there before, and it’s palpable - everyone can feel it. Where before you would never have questioned, now you think twice. That doubt, that hesitation is the barrier to effectively rebuilding the trust that was once there, so, what can you do? Are you just stuck until it goes away? How’s that just going to magically happen? There’s no “magic”, but there IS something you can do about it.

You can trust, then verify.

For the betrayed, it’s not enough to have been given an apology, a promise that it will never happen again. A sincere apology might go a long way toward healing the hurt, but a promise that it won’t ever happen again might be too hard to swallow. Let’s face it - you didn’t think it would happen the first time, but it did. So, how does trust, then verify help? It builds a new database of “proof”, if you will, that allows you to see that the other person is trustworthy once again because their “walk” is matching their “talk”.

Basically, trust, then verify means you take what they say at face value, and then you verify that what they say is actually true - building the proof you need to feel safe trusting them again. Yeah - it means you check up on them. For how long? That depends on you. When you feel like you can trust them again, without having to check up on them.

And if you ever find yourself having broken someone’s trust - offer trust, then verify up as a way for them to take your apology seriously and know that you’re sincere about wanting to earn their trust again. If you betrayed someone’s trust, then you won’t mind being ‘checked up on’ - in fact, you might just decide that it’s a good thing because it will likely speed the healing process for both of you.

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