Elvira: Mistress of the Vibrator

A few years ago, I was teaching a female masturbation class. In the class 20-40 women gather to learn how to masturbate with different techniques & toys. Yes, I know that sounds absurd. However, there is a large population of older women who have never had an orgasm.

In one of my classes, I met the very magnificent Elvira. No, not the one from TV, but the one from Washington, DC. When I start the class, I get everyone into a large circle. They are surrounded by pillows & comforters. I hand out brand new sex toys still in the package, along with their matching batteries. I then get naked, telling the students that although my body is not perfect, it is a wonderful thing that I am not ashamed of. It’s my hope that they will get undressed too, although that is not a requirement.

In one class, before I had turned around, Elvira was completely naked & already riding her toy, telling me we should “get with it”, because she was about to blow. Her eyes got huge, a vein popped out in the middle of her forehead, she began to shake & hold her breath. I told her she would not have an orgasm easily, if she did not breathe. So, I started to breathe with her, in hopes she would relax. After some time, she did relax & her first orgasm of her life took place right before my eyes. It was incredible. Elvira, exhausted from her journey, curled up in the corner, under the heating lamps to fall asleep with her endorphins. Later she was heard snoring!

Several weeks went by & I got a phone call from George. George explained that his wife, Elvira, has recently attended one of my classes. Remembering her, I immediately asked how she was doing. He said she had become a miserable bitch that could not be tolerated & it was my entire fault. When I asked him why, he explained that ever since she attended one of my classes, she refused to let George touch her sexually, instead she only plays with her toys.

Disappointed, I suggested that George have a conversation with his wife, requesting that he be allowed to play with her too. I also recommended that he remove a few batteries here & there, & give them back to her in a playful matter, when she allowed him to play too. He said he would try & he hung up.

Two hours later, I got a very angry phone call from Elvira. She called me all sorts of awful names, telling me she was going to kill her husband for taking ALL of her batteries. I finally convinced her to allow a three way telephone conversation. Once I got both of them on, I coaxed them into playing nicely. Three months later, they both attended one of my couple’s classes.

ELVIRA: WHAT A WOMAN!