Dear Pammy, Won’t getting two kittens mean they bond with each other?
A reader writes:
I’ve adopted two kittens, but they only want to play with each other… they don’t like to cuddle with me! Did I make a mistake getting two littermates? Will they ever pay attention to their human?
Dear Readers,
I’m a fan of getting two at a time. Yet, here’s a person having difficulty bonding with their kittens. Won’t getting kittens one at a time mean they have to bond with us?
No, it doesn’t. Two at a time solves a lot of issues that interfere with bonding.
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Here’s what two at a time does for us:
Social modeling. Our cat learns best about how to be a cat from another cat. Cats who grow up as only cats often have difficulties getting along with other cats. And guests. And dogs. And family members.
Proper play. If we can run as fast, and leap as high, and wrestle with our kittens as well as another kitten can; then our kitten isn’t missing anything. But unless we have superpowers, it’s unlikely we can match the energy levels of any kitten. Kittens are also able to convey when another kitten is being too rough, thus giving them important feedback we can only approximate.
Better communication. We don’t have to convey our requests to both cats. If one of them “get it,” they both will. Having two doubles our chances of our message getting through.
Less stress. Cats who have plenty of friendship, playtime, and shared goals feel in control of their environment. It is more likely to meet their needs.
So what might be going on with this situation with the two kittens who won’t bond? There are many possibilities, and some of the questions I asked the writer highlight possible pitfalls:
Which approach? Don’t try to get in the middle of a play session. Stepping in when something fascinating is already in progress means short kitten attention spans are going to be constantly distracted. Appear when the kittens are tired and ready to cuddle, and we can see what seem like totally different kittens.
How’s the timing? We can have kittens too young to do much more than nap on our leg. We can have kittens in the throes of adolescent energy who never seem to slow down. We should watch our kittens to see when the best time for interaction might be. Circumstances can separate them, if they have different energy levels or play preferences, and this is another great time to appear.
What’s their background? Were these kittens exposed to people prior to being adopted? There’s an awful lot of “cute barn cats” who don’t have the handling, mom-modeling, or experience with humans required for instant kitten bonding. If they have feral tendencies, they need some special socialization time to overcome their shyness and fear.
Whatever might be interfering with our bonding experience, we should not be thinking along the lines so many have revealed to me, “But if I’m the only one the cat sees, they have to like me!”
Since this is always people who are complaining that the cat doesn’t like them… I don’t think this approach works in practice like it does in their theory.
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There’s more about multiple cats in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See more posts on the MULTIPLE CAT ADVANTAGE.
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