Cats with Thumbs

CWT-Dharamsala, India. CWT's Asian Bureau reports reliable sources have confirmed His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama holds a winning United States Powerball Lottery ticket. A spokesman for The Office of His Holiness the Dalai Lama (OHHDL), known in Tibetan as Kuger Yigtsang, informed CWT that the winning ticket for 338 million USD was purchased in October by an American admirer of the Dalai Lama and mailed to His Holiness in a Christmas card. " His Holiness makes every effort to read and...Read Full Story

CWT - North Pole. At a hastily called press conference this morning, lawyers for Claus, Blitzen, and Rudolph, L.L.C. revealed that company president and CEO Santa Claus has bowed to pressure from a number of environmental groups and will no longer be placing lumps of coal in the Christmas stockings of bad children. Reading from a prepared statement, attorney Garland Wreath delivered the news: "After last year's lawsuit by People Interested in Starting Something Asinine, Negative, and Trivial...Read Full Story

CWT - North Pole. At a hastily called press conference this morning, lawyers for Claus, Blitzen, and Rudolph, L.L.C. revealed that company president and CEO Santa Claus has bowed to pressure from a number of environmental groups and will no longer be placing lumps of coal in the Christmas stockings of bad children. Reading from a prepared statement, attorney Garland Wreath delivered the news: "After last year's lawsuit by People Interested in Starting Something Asinine, Negative, and Trivial...Read Full Story

CWT-Moscow. Vladimir Putin, fresh from his successful orchestration of Russia's latest power shuffle, was awarded yet another title, " Tsar of All the Christmases," at a special assembly of the Russian Parliament. Russia's newly elected (?) President, Dmitry Medvedev, presided over the ceremony, presenting Putin with a jewel-encrusted fur cap embroidered in gold with the title " Vlad the Claus " on the brim. Duma members rose in unison and applauded as a beaming Putin declared, " now...Read Full Story

CWT - North Pole. At a hastily called press conference this morning, lawyers for Claus, Blitzen, and Rudolph, L.L.C. revealed that company president and CEO Santa Claus has bowed to pressure from a number of environmental groups and will no longer be placing lumps of coal in the Christmas stockings of bad children. Reading from a prepared statement, attorney Garland Wreath delivered the news: "After last year's lawsuit by People Interested in Starting Something Asinine, Negative, and Trivial...Read Full Story