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It’s day eight at the Cabin…

House Negroes are rampant. There is partying across the cabin grounds. Tyler Perry is dressed as Madea, doing hula hoop tricks for Mitch McConnell and John Boehner.

The Speaker of the House, John Boehner, seems to not be amused with Tyler Perry’s antics, and his face is filled with disgust. Boehner reaches into his sports coat to pull out a flask and take a swig from it before addressing Tyler. “You’re not funny to me! Remember, it were the silly Negroes who made you rich, not us!”

Mitch McConnell noticing Tyler wanted to cry tried to comfort him. “Tyler, don’t listen to him. You’re doing a good job. My grandchildren laugh at you all the time. I can’t speak for John, but I like to see Negro men in dresses!”

Not far away, Cee Lo Green is standing by the cabin’s outdoor lavatory — bare foot, sporting a Dashiki while singing his hit song “F*ck You“. This while Bruno Mars is dancing beside him. Bruno is bare-chest and wearing a Hawaiian grass skirt.

All of a sudden, Cee Lo and Bruno’s celebration is interrupted by an angry Rick Perry. Governor Perry became so enraged, leading him slap Cee Lo Green on his face, screaming “We know you Negroes like to use profanities in your songs, but on these grounds…”

Meanwhile over at the cabin’s courthouse, rapper Coolio’s trial is underway. Presiding, Judge Clarence Thomas is not in the best of spirits. That became evident after Judge Thomas slams his gavel, announcing, “Coolio…you were caught with crack cocaine — not to mention, Sheriff Joe Arpaio despises your sagging pants and your hairstyle!” That’s when Coolio’s attorney, Fox News analyst Juan Williams, shouts “I object. Coolio is charged for possession of crack cocaine, not his hairstyle.”

The prosecuting attorney, Rick Santorum, stood up immediately. “Your honor, this is not about proving if Coolio did or did not possess crack cocaine. If sheriff Joe Arpaio says Coolio had drugs, that’s good for myself and the rest of the court. I’m not going to argue with sheriff Joe Arpaio, he knows what’s best for the cabin grounds and America. Coolio should be found guilty of having a satanic hairstyle. Those braids are horns, symbolic of the devil’s horns.”

The courthouse erupted with applause before Pat Buchanan shouted, “Let’s burn the Negro!” That’s when Dick Cheney stood up and quietly, Cheney said “Let’s have a good Negro hunt. It’s Clarence’s courthouse, so let’s not make the decision…let Clarence do it.”

Judge Thomas removed his seeing glasses, and while holding his spectacles with his right hand he read Coolio’s judgement. “Coolio, you have been found guilty because of your hairstyle. You will be a subject for a hunt, if you survive the hunt you will be freed.” The bailiff, Duane Dog Chapman, grabbed a handcuff Coolio and Judge Clarence Thomas announced, “Take him outside and let the hunt begin!” Toby Keith jumped out of his seat, screaming, “Hee Haw!”

All of a sudden, a voice echoes over the plantation grounds. It’s coming from the P.A. system, and is obviously the voice of Senator Mitch McConnell telling all the House Negroes not to speak until spoken to.

Rick Perry, dressed like a Texan cowboy is spotted walking towards the look out tower while holding his M-16. Just twenty yards away, an ecstatic Herman Cain yells, “Mr. McCain…Mr. McCain, Puffy is coming…Puffy is coming!!!” John McCain overheard Herman Cain’s message, and turned to Jaime Foxx. “You just got off a movie set, being a slave for Quentin Tarantino, didn’t you? Now Jamie…be a good boy and go fetch me my favorite horse. I want to ride up there to greet Puffy.”

As the Bad Boy Records crew roll up to the cabin in Hummer trucks, listening to songs from Puffy’s new album, Senator John McCain arrives on a white horse. He posts up, beside Puffy’s truck, hands Puffy a Reynolds foil-wrapped meal — containing pickled pig testicles, a chopped iguana salad and a guava Snapple to wash it down with.

McCain shouted “Puffy dance for me! ” Puffy’s entourage shouts “Go Puffy… Go Puffy…Go!“

Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat is brought to you by: Fox News, Snapple and Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae

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©2012 Hollywood Street King. All Rights Reserved.

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