In a disappointing turn of events this week, Tiger Woods turned out to be human, and life as we knew it based on what we learned from Wheaties boxes started to unravel from there…

1. A Tale of Two Tigers: Sports-world-rocking golf god. Philandering, cell-phone-abusing husband to the beautiful mother of his two children. Tiger Woods turned out to be both—and we may not have ever known if the guy who named his boat Privacy had not plowed into a tree outside his house at 2:30 a.m. the Friday after Thanksgiving. The model-worthy Mrs. Woods, Elin Nordegren, took a club to his Escalade windows for some reason or other, and then all of a sudden the 31-year-old superstar is dropping out of his own tournament and apologizing for his “transgressions.” Two of the alleged paramours are denying any such relationship, while another (the one with the nude pics) is gladly admitting it, and no one is happy. Including the guy who introduced Tiger and Elin.

2. Grammy Goddesses: Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga and their über-catchy hooks scored 23 nominations between them heading into the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards, aka the Non-Top-40 Shaftfest. In lighter news, we’ve got another Red Carpet section for you!

3. Shocked Rocker: Already found too incendiary for early-morning audiences, Adam Lambert was also axed from his scheduled spots on Jimmy Kimmel Live and Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, indicating that ABC didn’t find the boundary-pushing performer ready for late-night, either. But now that Barbara Walters finds him fascinating, ABC has eased up a bit, and will let him sing on The View next week. We hope Hasselbeck can handle it.