Awful Wedding Dresses !!
AWFUL WEDDING DRESSES...
( and other wedding fun !!)
This time last year, I wrote about the most awful wedding dress choices that I could find in my pootlings around the Internet...and there was a huge response from all the people who had the chance to read it...so as it is now decidedly Spring-time, and young couples everywhere are turning to thoughts of getting hitched, I thought that I would do another similar post...it was tremendous fun last time and it's been tremendous fun again...
As this just has to be one of the most popular posts of the year, if you do read this, don't be shy - give us all your views - if you like something in here - and there is plenty to like this time around - don't be backwards in coming forwards - tell us all why, and you may convince us...
Consider it a challenge !!
Firstly, I will turn my attention to the ever-popular...
CHAV WEDDINGS
This is the ubiquitous tasteless wedding - that of yer average British Chav...and this time, I don't want any travelling girls coming on here bleating endlessly about this type of wedding being simply the Romany way, and that it's a cultural thing...this much we all know - cultural tradition it may be, but that doesn't make it tasteful or even desirable !! If you are in any way guilty of actually desiring a wedding like this, or even planning one yourself, please take a deep breath, and then go and look at a few tasteful wedding dresses by a few really good designers, and try and spot the difference !! You may just see what the rest of us are on about...
Basically this type of Chav wedding isn't just done by travellers, Gypsies, or Romanies anyway - anyone is capable of spending huge amounts of disposable cash to satiusfy their precious little girl's every whim, when it comes to giving her the wedding of her dreams !! The trouble is, the younger the bride, it seems, the lower the tasteless level of it all...and you do have to wonder where all this endless stash of cash is coming from ? Daddy's dodgy dealings in the used-car market usually...
CHAV WEDDING NO 1
The first Chav wedding I found this year was this classic Chav affair over in Ireland...
Biggest dress in the world - check !!
Cinderella glass coach - check !!
Overweight bridesmaids dressed in rotund dresses in some bilious shade of pink, and baring their midriffs -check !!
Well, really - what these young girls dream about for their wedding day is all so predictable, isn't it ?!!
CHAV WEDDING NO 2
Here's another fine wedding from the Chav Community...and it ticks all the same boxes and many more too...
Is she wearing the biggest dress in the world...why yes !!
Does her bridesmaids wear rotund dresses in some bilious shade of pink ? Why, yes...and do they have bare midriffs in the manner of a belly dancer ? Well, not exactly...but no worries, her guests do more than make up for that deficiency !! Get a load of this little lot...
The lady in the orange dress is the best in my view - she has it all - orange tan, fake boobs no doubt, belly-button ring, belly tattoo, two-piece go-go outfit with additional bling, bleached ringlets, and the additional attraction of a matching garter and a jewelled headband - go her...well I'm impressed !!
Of course, the scene wouldn't be complete without her mate with the latest family addition...she got married last year at the age of sixteen, to her cousin, and was already up the duff when she went up the aisle...( unless she is a genuine Romany - they remain strictly virgins, until they marry, which is why they get married so young )...still, they have their very own caravan now, and all the benefits !!
CHAV WEDDING NO 3
Here we are with no 3...and this one will be familiar to some of you as it has been doing the Internet rounds for a while now..
The biggest dress in the world makes another appearance...
Did she have that Cinderella glass coach ? Well, not quite, but the little flower girl was delighted...
Even the pony's hooves have been painted with the sparkliest of pale pink nail varnishes...Katie Price would be so proud !!
Here are some of the guests, who are displaying the worst kind of cheap chain store fashions and the one on the end in the lime green, is embracing the concept of Tarty Showgirl with gusto...
Another two guests - did no-one tell this girl that to wear white at a wedding is the height of bad manners - wouldn't want to upstage the blushing bride, now would we ?!!
CHAV WEDDING NO 4
Talking of upstaging the blushing bride, this seems to be a particular thing with these Chav weddings that no other wedding features...that of the embarassing Bride's Mother !! These are women for whom the passing of time presents them with a challenge that they can't resist - and they fight the effects of age with a vengeance...and then they try to upstage the blushing bride all the time - this is a fine example ...
You see, she is wearing a frothy white dress to rival her daughter's, and she hardly looks a year older...
The wedding dress itself is a huge monstrosity of excess froth and over-flowing boobs...it actually looks like a foamy bath of soapy suds...
Did she get the Cinderella glass coach ? Did she Hell...Daddy's life wouldn't be worth living if she didn't get that !!
Were her bridesmaids all wearing rotund dresses in a bilious shade of pink ? No, but instead, she and the groom got a couple of mini-mes to stand in for them while they went out for a quick one round the back...and this is, without doubt, the most rotund child in the most rotund frothy dress I have ever seen...
Her actual bridesmaids did wear orange instead of pink - almost as bad - and their dresses were frothy layers of tulle, and designed in the rise-and-fall style instead of round balls of flouncy layers...however, this is a shape of dress that should only be worn if it has been carefully and expertly designed by Christopher Decarnin for the House of Balmain, otherwise it just looks tarty...oh well, nothing new there then !!
The thing with these Chav Weddings is that they are wholly based on the expectations of the girls who are getting hitched...and they are almost all under the age of seventeen, and hoping to get the wedding of their dreams - which usually entails a mixture of what their latest Z-lister celebrity heroine wears, and also what her best mate got at her wedding last year...this is usually paid for by Daddy, who clearly has far more money than sense, and can't seem to say no to his precious little girl...
It's almost a mark of prestige too - a sign of how much money they are making will be indicated by how much the dress costs and how lavish the whole wedding is...
The trouble is that they gladly spend hundreds of thousands of pounds on these affairs, and yet manage to end up looking as cheap as chips !!
BIKER CEREMONIES
I am of the opinion that if two people share a passion for something, and want to mark that in their wedding ceremony, than they have every right to - in fact, a themed wedding is often much more interesting than a conventional one...
With the Biker weddings, there are two things that the happy couple have to take into consideration...are bikes going to feature heavily in this ceremony ? If so, what about all the relatives who aren't bikers ?
The second consideration is what is the bride going to wear ?...with the best will in the world, she will have to wear something that allows her to mount and dismount the bike on arrival and departure with grace and dignity - after all, she doesn't want to look stupid on her wedding day...
Well, whadd'ya know ? Two girlies with the same idea - shortest of white shorts...with a cheeky garter - good plan !!
You could wear leather trousers and your chief bridesmaid could wear leather chaps over her best jeans...lovely !!
Or, on the other hand, you could always wear a shortish white dress and simply hitch it up...
Or, the best idea of all, you could dispense with the dress altogether...
CAMOUFLAGE THEMES
The other popular theme for weddings these days is that of camouflage - God knows why, as it is, without doubt, one of the most unattractive fabric designs out there ...what would possess a girl to give up the beautiful white dress of her dreams for anything made of this mottled patchy green and brown mess is a total mystery to me...
I would like to think that it's chosen out of a patriotic sense of being in the armed forces, combined with a sense of pride to be fighting for her country with her man, and this is what means the most to them both...however, I am forced to realign my thoughts and give in to the niggling belief that the man in her life is really a backwards hillbilly redneck for whom the term 'the right to bear arms' is actually an open invitation to blast the hell out of any wildlife that happens to cross his path, and who has hitherto unspoken theories as to who really killed JFK...
I mean, really - WTF ?!!
These two dresses are so hideous as to make me want to cry...do these girls really think these look good ? The dress on the right seems to have bits of mud attached to it alongside the dead leaves and all the other shit...
..
This girl seems to be under the impression that it's alright if you just brighten things up a tad with a touch of cheap orange satin...
Well it isn't...it still looks like a horrible mess...and couldn't the grooms in all these pictures get dressed up just a little - it is after all, your wedding day !!
PATRIOTIC FLAG-WAVING
No less than three years ago, I wrote the first wedding dress post for this journal, and this included one of the worst possibilities for a wedding dress to my mind - the horrendous 'Stars and Stripes' dress - remember this photo:-
As I recall, everyone was pretty much unanimously horrified at this awful thought, and there was some speculation on my part as to what everyone else might be wearing to a wedding that involved a dress like this...
Well wonder no more, ladies and gents - we have the answer...
Obviously the groom will be wearing jeans, a cowboy stetson hat, and a Stars and Stripes shirt - of course !!
Silly me...
Here's another design - no 1346 actually, which is a bit worrying in itself - and this time made of the cheapest shiniest nylon - I am breaking out into a sweat just thinking about it...
I can't imagine where these girls get this idea from, that an American flag makes a great dress - is it really patriotism ?
Of course, I was absolutely convinced that someone somewhere must have done a dress with the Union Flag - well I was right...there are two actually, and here they are...
Sadly, the second dress is the only one I could find of a bona fide wedding couple photographed on their wedding day, with her in a dress designed with the Union Flag as a theme...and it's so small, you will need a magnifying glass to see it properly - so if anyone knows where there is a bigger version of this picture, please let me know !!
OTHER REALLY, REALLY BAD IDEAS...
Well, the colour-themed wedding is one thing - what about when the bride has what seems to be a good idea at the time, but turns out to be a very bad idea indeed ?!!
THE SANTA DRESS
If you are staging your wedding in December, then a Santa wedding dress would seem to be a good plan, wouldn't it ?!!...
Perhaps not if you are a good size twenty and desire a stupidly long train...
BALLOON DRESS
Or perhaps your husband-to-be is a balloon entertainer and has a surfeit of extra balloons to be used up...
RAINBOW DRESS
Or how about a rainbow theme...you could include all your guests in the colourful fun...
Actually, this is quite impressive how they got their guests to wear a different colour, but all in the same design, with the men in coloured T-shirts with plain black trousers - very well done !! Her dress looks a bit cheap though - shiny satin always looks cheap, especially if the design involves narrow strips sewn together !!
SHEPHERDESS DRESS
I was quite blown away with this one, and even though the dress is hardly one I would choose myself, it means a huge amount to her as the wool comes from one of her own flock - and it works, in a strange way...
I do really like the groom's outfit though - I'm always a sucker for a bit of embroidery on a waistcoat...
DENIM
I have spoken about denim wedding dresses before, and now I see that they are still lurking around the lower reaches of the Internet, and they are getting worse !!
Truly horrible - they may well have trimmings of white lace to try and pretty them up a bit, but the one below hasn't even got that...and it's clearly made from recycled jeans with all the back pockets creating a truly unique design feature...
Oh don't be silly - now you're being ridiculous !! This monstrosity is made from whole pairs of jeans !! How utterly daft...
FUR AND RAGS
If you think that denim isn't a suitable fabric for a wedding dress, how about fur ? This lovely creation looks like it has been made using no less than fifty white rabbits - lovely !! Thank goodness it's backless, or a few more rabbits might have to meet their demise...
The dress on the right is just a joke - right ?!!
'REGRETSY' BITS AND PIECES - WTF ?!!
Now then - you will all be familiar with the Etsy site of course - this is where all manner of crafts are offered for sale by the artists themselves, within their own little Etsy shopping sites - a very creative use of the Internet and offering many, many lovely things...
However, inevitably, there are many very unlovely things for sale too - and there is a site called 'Regretsy', which is one fabulous name - and it is dedicated to finding them whereever they may be hiding...these are just two of the wedding dress ideas for sale on Etsy that really shouldn't have seen light of day ...
$300 ?!!...you're having a laugh !!
I do so love the ever-hopeful and over-enthusiastic descriptions of these items, and the use of capital letters to emphasise the point !!
Would you seriously consider paying out $495 dollars for a wedding dress made out of men's ties - oh c'mon now...
Actually what really gets me is the sheer amount of work involved in creating something like this - how utterly misguided !!
EVERY BRIDESMAID'S NIGHTMARE
I can't do a post like this without including a section for the poor bridesmaids...they really get a rough deal most of the time - they have to wear the bride's choice which often really doesn't suit their body shape or their skin or hair colour either !! Then there's the fearful prospect of wearing a frilly monstrosity that, frankly, the actual bride herself wouldn't be seen dead in the rest of the time - what is it with weddings that brings all your worst taste out of the closet ?!!
...
Aaaargh - horrid frills and ghastly colours...and far too much cheap nylon lace !!
Please don't forget that pale pink really doesn't necessarily suit everyone...
The following three photos are from the seventies - famously considered to be the decade that taste forgot -and here, you can see why...
This little lot look like a cross between the local church choir and the local cheerleaders - it's the horrible yellow and white things they are holding...God knows what they are, because they clearly aren't flowers !!
And do remember - up to the neck frills really aren't that flattering when you are anything over twenty !!
These girls faces have been blanked out to protect the innocent -and I don't blame them for not wanting to be associated with these dresses...now you can see why I hate patchwork !!
Below are more people who really didn't want their faces on the Internet - and who can blame them ?!! The dresses they are wearing really are the whim of the bride, aren't they ?!!
PART 2 : WEDDING FUN !!
I have decided to include a second section this year, covering the idea of the fully-themed wedding, and the two most popular ideas in this respect are that of theming your wedding on a favourite TV or Film, and that of an alternative lifestyle choice, and the most prevalent alternative lifestyle choice is that of the Goth wedding, which follows this next section...
FILM & TV THEMES
This is something I hardly touched upon last time I wrote a piece about 'Awful Wedding Dresses', and to be fair, this isn't the most accurate way to describe them as a lot of them are truly beautiful...
I would say this though...if you want a themed wedding based on a favourite film, remember that the reason you are getting married is to announce to the world, and to each other, your devotion and love, and that you are going to spend the rest of your life with that person...do you really want this to be done in fancy dress ? Because that is essentially what this is...
If the answer to that is a resounding 'Yes !!', then carry on reading as you can get some amazing ideas from the Internet photos uploaded by other people who have done it themselves...
I would say that the most popular kind of theme for a wedding is that of a TV Show or film, and the biggest fandoms produce the best and most accurately reproduced details for weddings I have ever seen...far from being candidates for the Worst Wedding Dresses, these themed weddings are some of the most entertaining events and give us some of the most attractive dresses I have ever seen - sometimes !!
'THE FLINTSTONES' : WEDDING NO 1
The Flintstones have inspired not one but three couples recently to theme their weddings accordingly - the second one being a double wedding !!
The first one was this -
From the Daily Mail :-
"Inspired by the rocky beach front of Combe Martin, a British couple decided to get married in a Flintstones-themed wedding.
Ed Martin and Gayla Robinson moved to Combe Martin in September of last year, and inspired by their rocky surroundings, decided to opt for something more original than a white wedding. They plastered the stage of the Landmark Theater to look like a cave, had their 100 guests dress like cavemen, and even built a replica of the Flintstones car.
As you can imagine, the best man and maid of honour were dressed like Barney and Betty Rubble, and the page girl and boy, as Pebbles and Bam Bam."
Marvellous stuff !!
'THE FLINTSTONES' : WEDDING NO.2
This was a double celebration for a brother and sister and their respective wife and husband-to-be...Richard and Jill Noble came as the Rubbles and Simon and Andrea Bean came as the Flintstones...and they celebrated their reception in a very appropriate Dinosaur theme-park...
From the Metro newspaper:-
"With 165 guests dressed as cavemen and women, Wilma and Betty entered the ceremony to the traditional strains of Wagner's Bridal March ... which was quickly replaced by the theme tune to The Flintstones.
After tying their knots in Norwich on Saturday, the two couples visited a dinosaur park for their wedding photos.
Mrs Bean, 36, from Hoveton, near Norwich, said the couples were very close as Jill, 38, of Starston, Norfolk, is her husband's sister.
'It was a fantastic day, all the guests made such an effort,' she added.
'We've all been married before so we didn't want the traditional white wedding.'
Instead of presents, they asked guests to donate money to the Children's Liver Disease Foundation and raised more than £1,200."
I am in awe of such a fabulously fun idea for a wedding !!
'PETER PAN'
Here's one which will give you all pause for thought...Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up, gets married to Tinkerbell, the fairy who will never die...
Hmm, they are an odd couple...she looks way too old for him and he looks as camp as a row of tents anyway...what on earth are they doing getting married ?!!
Well, they both love dressing up - indeed they both seem to have a passion for it ( he more than her I secretly suspect )...
Here they are on two other occasions, indulging their passion for pretty things...enjoying the sense of freedom that comes from being who you really are...
I shall leave you to draw your own conclusions, and move swiftly on...
'SHREK'
This is possibly the most bizarre themed wedding, as it is based on a children's cartoon film about an ogre who falls in love with a princess...which means they both have to green up...strangely, not as attractive as you might think on your wedding day !!
Oh well, who are we to judge - both this couple and the last one are so obviously happy - who cares ??!!
'STAR TREK'
This is one of the most popular themes for a wedding as you may guess - 'Star Trek', 'Star Wars', and 'The Lord of the Rings' are without doubt the most popular themes for weddings, simply because they have the biggest fandoms, and possibly the most creative fans out there - it is a well known fact that the people who can suspend their own disbelief and enjopy the fantasy of such shows are capable of anything, frankly...
Even the possibility of an Elvis impersonator to officiate at their wedding on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise...how very Las Vegas !!
I am in a bit of a quandary as to what the bride's dress has to do with the theme, exactly ? I would have hoped that she would have had the courage to come as the Betazed character Troy, from 'Star Trek : The Next Generation', a race who, as we all know, get married in the buff...
KLINGON
This was the second Star Trek themed wedding I came across, and I had to include it, as it is the best example of all the people involved really pulling out all the stops to get it right - even the officiator was all dressed up and it was conducted in Klingon, of course, and took place on the bridge of a Klingon Bird of Prey Battle-Cruiser..and why not ?!!
'STAR WARS'
'Star Wars' was the second of the big three for themed weddings, and this one was one of the best I found, amongst many online...the accuracy of the costumes and the fun that was obviously had by all was of paramount importance...
Now wouldn't you think that the groom would have gone for one of the heroes of the story - say the young Obi Wan Kenobi, or Luke Skywalker - but no, he went for something that made him look somewhat less than Human...
'THE LORD OF THE RINGS' : WEDDING NO 1
This was one of the most popular themes for a wedding as you can imagine - the costumes, props and settings chosen are simply perfect wedding stuff - very romantic indeed...and very close to medieval in style !!
This was Sarah and Patrick's wedding that took place back in 2004, but because this style obviously doesn't date, they will have a wedding that will always look good in the photos - this is something to be considered when you are thinking of which theme to go for...of course, you wouldn't even consider this unless you are both really big fans of the books and the films anyway !!,
She went for the Arwen Look, with her Hobbit bridesmaids carrying lanterns bedecked with flowers...Arwen seems to be the obvious choice for the brides...
I just had to include this too - their amazing Minis Tirith cake, created by her sister...
THE LORD OF THE RINGS : WEDDING NO 2
This was the wedding of Lorie and Nathan which took place in the U P Lagoon in the Philippines, back in May 2004 - she went as Arwen t and he had a fantastic Gondorian uniform...
Great entrance to the wedding clearing...
The groom had an entourage of his own...
The wedding arch bedecked with flowers...
The cutest Hobbit flower girl - reminds me of Peter Jackson's daughter in FOTR...
Lorie's Maid of Honour...
This is one of the nicest wedding photos I have seen, as everyone looks like they are having the best time...
'THE LORD OF THE RINGS' : WEDDING NO 3
This was the wedding of Rheena and John back in June 2005 - they are also from the Philippines and they staged an amazing LOTR-themed wedding...
She also went for the Arwen Look - absolutely stunning !!
Oodles of cute Hobbitses...
I love the fact that they have altered the advertising poster for 'The Two Towers' ...
It has to be said that I am a tad biased in this because I am a huge fan of the books and the films, and so the LOTR-themed weddings resonate with me more than the others, and I had no shortage of choice as it is immensely popular - more so than the others I reckon !!
GOTHIC HORROR
As well as basing your wedding around a TV or Film theme, the other most popular theme is of course, the Gothic Horror wedding, and there are millions of people out there for whom this is nothing less than a complete lifestyle choice and for them, their wedding is a foregone conclusion - the dress will be black, on its own, or with red, white or purple...
For me, these are the most entertaining weddings of all as there are really good ones and really bad ones...it is a genre that somehow lends itself to being done really really badly if you're not careful...
See what you think of this little lot !!
Firstly there is the colour theme to be decided - black and red is always a popular choice...but it would have been better if they had remembered their skirts perhaps...I do like the faceless monk officiating though !!
I love this couple's costumes - very Edwardian and very dandy...and strikingly well done !! The kids look like they have dressed up for Hallowe'en though...Trick or Treat anyone...
These photos below are from a Russian Gothic wedding, so it proves that this style is truly popular world-wide...the couple look like they are about fourteen though - worryingly young !!
I love his Storm-trooper boots - how very Star Wars !!
This is Julie Williams and Dylan Holroyd who got together a bit later in life...but still decided that the Goth wedding was the way forward...
You will note the dog collar and lead that she has around his neck !!
From the Daily Mail :-
"Arcade worker Julie, who arrived to the nuptials in a coffin and hearse, said their wedding seemed "like the most natural thing to do."
Julie, nicknamed Morticia by friends, walked her husband down the aisle with none other than a dog lead and said they decided to tie the knot after first meeting 27 years ago.
"We went our separate ways when we were young, married other people and had children," she told the Mirror.
"But then we bumped into each other last year and realised we were meant to be together."
"So the first thing I did was put a dog collar around his neck and say 'It's taken me this long to get you, I'm not letting you escape now'."
More than 100 guests attended the register office wedding in Wakefiled, Yorkshire, and Julie's wedding coffin now takes pride of place as her lounge room coffee table."
If you decide to do the Goth wedding thing, your dress is a subject of the first consideration - do you wear black, or red or both, or maybe black and purple ?!! Here are a couple of dresses I found amongst all the myriad available online - which include white too...
The first is very Medieval in style, and the second is more of a slinky Morticia Addams Look - I know which I prefer...
I hope you have enjoyed this very long post - I had a little trouble with writing it, having to redo a whole lot when my computer lost what I had written - I am fast learning how Google Chrome works with the Auto-save function on Live Journal...
Do tell us all your thoughts on all the wedding nightmares in here and also the interestingly themed weddings...would you or have you considered a themed wedding of your own ? If so, what were the pitfalls and what were the successes ?...
( and other wedding fun !!)
This time last year, I wrote about the most awful wedding dress choices that I could find in my pootlings around the Internet...and there was a huge response from all the people who had the chance to read it...so as it is now decidedly Spring-time, and young couples everywhere are turning to thoughts of getting hitched, I thought that I would do another similar post...it was tremendous fun last time and it's been tremendous fun again...
As this just has to be one of the most popular posts of the year, if you do read this, don't be shy - give us all your views - if you like something in here - and there is plenty to like this time around - don't be backwards in coming forwards - tell us all why, and you may convince us...
Consider it a challenge !!
Firstly, I will turn my attention to the ever-popular...
CHAV WEDDINGS
This is the ubiquitous tasteless wedding - that of yer average British Chav...and this time, I don't want any travelling girls coming on here bleating endlessly about this type of wedding being simply the Romany way, and that it's a cultural thing...this much we all know - cultural tradition it may be, but that doesn't make it tasteful or even desirable !! If you are in any way guilty of actually desiring a wedding like this, or even planning one yourself, please take a deep breath, and then go and look at a few tasteful wedding dresses by a few really good designers, and try and spot the difference !! You may just see what the rest of us are on about...
Basically this type of Chav wedding isn't just done by travellers, Gypsies, or Romanies anyway - anyone is capable of spending huge amounts of disposable cash to satiusfy their precious little girl's every whim, when it comes to giving her the wedding of her dreams !! The trouble is, the younger the bride, it seems, the lower the tasteless level of it all...and you do have to wonder where all this endless stash of cash is coming from ? Daddy's dodgy dealings in the used-car market usually...
CHAV WEDDING NO 1
The first Chav wedding I found this year was this classic Chav affair over in Ireland...
Biggest dress in the world - check !!
Cinderella glass coach - check !!
Overweight bridesmaids dressed in rotund dresses in some bilious shade of pink, and baring their midriffs -check !!
Well, really - what these young girls dream about for their wedding day is all so predictable, isn't it ?!!
CHAV WEDDING NO 2
Here's another fine wedding from the Chav Community...and it ticks all the same boxes and many more too...
Is she wearing the biggest dress in the world...why yes !!
Does her bridesmaids wear rotund dresses in some bilious shade of pink ? Why, yes...and do they have bare midriffs in the manner of a belly dancer ? Well, not exactly...but no worries, her guests do more than make up for that deficiency !! Get a load of this little lot...
The lady in the orange dress is the best in my view - she has it all - orange tan, fake boobs no doubt, belly-button ring, belly tattoo, two-piece go-go outfit with additional bling, bleached ringlets, and the additional attraction of a matching garter and a jewelled headband - go her...well I'm impressed !!
Of course, the scene wouldn't be complete without her mate with the latest family addition...she got married last year at the age of sixteen, to her cousin, and was already up the duff when she went up the aisle...( unless she is a genuine Romany - they remain strictly virgins, until they marry, which is why they get married so young )...still, they have their very own caravan now, and all the benefits !!
CHAV WEDDING NO 3
Here we are with no 3...and this one will be familiar to some of you as it has been doing the Internet rounds for a while now..
The biggest dress in the world makes another appearance...
Did she have that Cinderella glass coach ? Well, not quite, but the little flower girl was delighted...
Even the pony's hooves have been painted with the sparkliest of pale pink nail varnishes...Katie Price would be so proud !!
Here are some of the guests, who are displaying the worst kind of cheap chain store fashions and the one on the end in the lime green, is embracing the concept of Tarty Showgirl with gusto...
Another two guests - did no-one tell this girl that to wear white at a wedding is the height of bad manners - wouldn't want to upstage the blushing bride, now would we ?!!
CHAV WEDDING NO 4
Talking of upstaging the blushing bride, this seems to be a particular thing with these Chav weddings that no other wedding features...that of the embarassing Bride's Mother !! These are women for whom the passing of time presents them with a challenge that they can't resist - and they fight the effects of age with a vengeance...and then they try to upstage the blushing bride all the time - this is a fine example ...
You see, she is wearing a frothy white dress to rival her daughter's, and she hardly looks a year older...
The wedding dress itself is a huge monstrosity of excess froth and over-flowing boobs...it actually looks like a foamy bath of soapy suds...
Did she get the Cinderella glass coach ? Did she Hell...Daddy's life wouldn't be worth living if she didn't get that !!
Were her bridesmaids all wearing rotund dresses in a bilious shade of pink ? No, but instead, she and the groom got a couple of mini-mes to stand in for them while they went out for a quick one round the back...and this is, without doubt, the most rotund child in the most rotund frothy dress I have ever seen...
Her actual bridesmaids did wear orange instead of pink - almost as bad - and their dresses were frothy layers of tulle, and designed in the rise-and-fall style instead of round balls of flouncy layers...however, this is a shape of dress that should only be worn if it has been carefully and expertly designed by Christopher Decarnin for the House of Balmain, otherwise it just looks tarty...oh well, nothing new there then !!
The thing with these Chav Weddings is that they are wholly based on the expectations of the girls who are getting hitched...and they are almost all under the age of seventeen, and hoping to get the wedding of their dreams - which usually entails a mixture of what their latest Z-lister celebrity heroine wears, and also what her best mate got at her wedding last year...this is usually paid for by Daddy, who clearly has far more money than sense, and can't seem to say no to his precious little girl...
It's almost a mark of prestige too - a sign of how much money they are making will be indicated by how much the dress costs and how lavish the whole wedding is...
The trouble is that they gladly spend hundreds of thousands of pounds on these affairs, and yet manage to end up looking as cheap as chips !!
BIKER CEREMONIES
I am of the opinion that if two people share a passion for something, and want to mark that in their wedding ceremony, than they have every right to - in fact, a themed wedding is often much more interesting than a conventional one...
With the Biker weddings, there are two things that the happy couple have to take into consideration...are bikes going to feature heavily in this ceremony ? If so, what about all the relatives who aren't bikers ?
The second consideration is what is the bride going to wear ?...with the best will in the world, she will have to wear something that allows her to mount and dismount the bike on arrival and departure with grace and dignity - after all, she doesn't want to look stupid on her wedding day...
Well, whadd'ya know ? Two girlies with the same idea - shortest of white shorts...with a cheeky garter - good plan !!
You could wear leather trousers and your chief bridesmaid could wear leather chaps over her best jeans...lovely !!
Or, on the other hand, you could always wear a shortish white dress and simply hitch it up...
Or, the best idea of all, you could dispense with the dress altogether...
CAMOUFLAGE THEMES
The other popular theme for weddings these days is that of camouflage - God knows why, as it is, without doubt, one of the most unattractive fabric designs out there ...what would possess a girl to give up the beautiful white dress of her dreams for anything made of this mottled patchy green and brown mess is a total mystery to me...
I would like to think that it's chosen out of a patriotic sense of being in the armed forces, combined with a sense of pride to be fighting for her country with her man, and this is what means the most to them both...however, I am forced to realign my thoughts and give in to the niggling belief that the man in her life is really a backwards hillbilly redneck for whom the term 'the right to bear arms' is actually an open invitation to blast the hell out of any wildlife that happens to cross his path, and who has hitherto unspoken theories as to who really killed JFK...
I mean, really - WTF ?!!
These two dresses are so hideous as to make me want to cry...do these girls really think these look good ? The dress on the right seems to have bits of mud attached to it alongside the dead leaves and all the other shit...
..
This girl seems to be under the impression that it's alright if you just brighten things up a tad with a touch of cheap orange satin...
Well it isn't...it still looks like a horrible mess...and couldn't the grooms in all these pictures get dressed up just a little - it is after all, your wedding day !!
PATRIOTIC FLAG-WAVING
No less than three years ago, I wrote the first wedding dress post for this journal, and this included one of the worst possibilities for a wedding dress to my mind - the horrendous 'Stars and Stripes' dress - remember this photo:-
As I recall, everyone was pretty much unanimously horrified at this awful thought, and there was some speculation on my part as to what everyone else might be wearing to a wedding that involved a dress like this...
Well wonder no more, ladies and gents - we have the answer...
Obviously the groom will be wearing jeans, a cowboy stetson hat, and a Stars and Stripes shirt - of course !!
Silly me...
Here's another design - no 1346 actually, which is a bit worrying in itself - and this time made of the cheapest shiniest nylon - I am breaking out into a sweat just thinking about it...
I can't imagine where these girls get this idea from, that an American flag makes a great dress - is it really patriotism ?
Of course, I was absolutely convinced that someone somewhere must have done a dress with the Union Flag - well I was right...there are two actually, and here they are...
Sadly, the second dress is the only one I could find of a bona fide wedding couple photographed on their wedding day, with her in a dress designed with the Union Flag as a theme...and it's so small, you will need a magnifying glass to see it properly - so if anyone knows where there is a bigger version of this picture, please let me know !!
OTHER REALLY, REALLY BAD IDEAS...
Well, the colour-themed wedding is one thing - what about when the bride has what seems to be a good idea at the time, but turns out to be a very bad idea indeed ?!!
THE SANTA DRESS
If you are staging your wedding in December, then a Santa wedding dress would seem to be a good plan, wouldn't it ?!!...
Perhaps not if you are a good size twenty and desire a stupidly long train...
BALLOON DRESS
Or perhaps your husband-to-be is a balloon entertainer and has a surfeit of extra balloons to be used up...
RAINBOW DRESS
Or how about a rainbow theme...you could include all your guests in the colourful fun...
Actually, this is quite impressive how they got their guests to wear a different colour, but all in the same design, with the men in coloured T-shirts with plain black trousers - very well done !! Her dress looks a bit cheap though - shiny satin always looks cheap, especially if the design involves narrow strips sewn together !!
SHEPHERDESS DRESS
I was quite blown away with this one, and even though the dress is hardly one I would choose myself, it means a huge amount to her as the wool comes from one of her own flock - and it works, in a strange way...
I do really like the groom's outfit though - I'm always a sucker for a bit of embroidery on a waistcoat...
DENIM
I have spoken about denim wedding dresses before, and now I see that they are still lurking around the lower reaches of the Internet, and they are getting worse !!
Truly horrible - they may well have trimmings of white lace to try and pretty them up a bit, but the one below hasn't even got that...and it's clearly made from recycled jeans with all the back pockets creating a truly unique design feature...
Oh don't be silly - now you're being ridiculous !! This monstrosity is made from whole pairs of jeans !! How utterly daft...
FUR AND RAGS
If you think that denim isn't a suitable fabric for a wedding dress, how about fur ? This lovely creation looks like it has been made using no less than fifty white rabbits - lovely !! Thank goodness it's backless, or a few more rabbits might have to meet their demise...
The dress on the right is just a joke - right ?!!
'REGRETSY' BITS AND PIECES - WTF ?!!
Now then - you will all be familiar with the Etsy site of course - this is where all manner of crafts are offered for sale by the artists themselves, within their own little Etsy shopping sites - a very creative use of the Internet and offering many, many lovely things...
However, inevitably, there are many very unlovely things for sale too - and there is a site called 'Regretsy', which is one fabulous name - and it is dedicated to finding them whereever they may be hiding...these are just two of the wedding dress ideas for sale on Etsy that really shouldn't have seen light of day ...
$300 ?!!...you're having a laugh !!
I do so love the ever-hopeful and over-enthusiastic descriptions of these items, and the use of capital letters to emphasise the point !!
Would you seriously consider paying out $495 dollars for a wedding dress made out of men's ties - oh c'mon now...
Actually what really gets me is the sheer amount of work involved in creating something like this - how utterly misguided !!
EVERY BRIDESMAID'S NIGHTMARE
I can't do a post like this without including a section for the poor bridesmaids...they really get a rough deal most of the time - they have to wear the bride's choice which often really doesn't suit their body shape or their skin or hair colour either !! Then there's the fearful prospect of wearing a frilly monstrosity that, frankly, the actual bride herself wouldn't be seen dead in the rest of the time - what is it with weddings that brings all your worst taste out of the closet ?!!
...
Aaaargh - horrid frills and ghastly colours...and far too much cheap nylon lace !!
Please don't forget that pale pink really doesn't necessarily suit everyone...
The following three photos are from the seventies - famously considered to be the decade that taste forgot -and here, you can see why...
This little lot look like a cross between the local church choir and the local cheerleaders - it's the horrible yellow and white things they are holding...God knows what they are, because they clearly aren't flowers !!
And do remember - up to the neck frills really aren't that flattering when you are anything over twenty !!
These girls faces have been blanked out to protect the innocent -and I don't blame them for not wanting to be associated with these dresses...now you can see why I hate patchwork !!
Below are more people who really didn't want their faces on the Internet - and who can blame them ?!! The dresses they are wearing really are the whim of the bride, aren't they ?!!
PART 2 : WEDDING FUN !!
I have decided to include a second section this year, covering the idea of the fully-themed wedding, and the two most popular ideas in this respect are that of theming your wedding on a favourite TV or Film, and that of an alternative lifestyle choice, and the most prevalent alternative lifestyle choice is that of the Goth wedding, which follows this next section...
FILM & TV THEMES
This is something I hardly touched upon last time I wrote a piece about 'Awful Wedding Dresses', and to be fair, this isn't the most accurate way to describe them as a lot of them are truly beautiful...
I would say this though...if you want a themed wedding based on a favourite film, remember that the reason you are getting married is to announce to the world, and to each other, your devotion and love, and that you are going to spend the rest of your life with that person...do you really want this to be done in fancy dress ? Because that is essentially what this is...
If the answer to that is a resounding 'Yes !!', then carry on reading as you can get some amazing ideas from the Internet photos uploaded by other people who have done it themselves...
I would say that the most popular kind of theme for a wedding is that of a TV Show or film, and the biggest fandoms produce the best and most accurately reproduced details for weddings I have ever seen...far from being candidates for the Worst Wedding Dresses, these themed weddings are some of the most entertaining events and give us some of the most attractive dresses I have ever seen - sometimes !!
'THE FLINTSTONES' : WEDDING NO 1
The Flintstones have inspired not one but three couples recently to theme their weddings accordingly - the second one being a double wedding !!
The first one was this -
From the Daily Mail :-
"Inspired by the rocky beach front of Combe Martin, a British couple decided to get married in a Flintstones-themed wedding.
Ed Martin and Gayla Robinson moved to Combe Martin in September of last year, and inspired by their rocky surroundings, decided to opt for something more original than a white wedding. They plastered the stage of the Landmark Theater to look like a cave, had their 100 guests dress like cavemen, and even built a replica of the Flintstones car.
As you can imagine, the best man and maid of honour were dressed like Barney and Betty Rubble, and the page girl and boy, as Pebbles and Bam Bam."
Marvellous stuff !!
'THE FLINTSTONES' : WEDDING NO.2
This was a double celebration for a brother and sister and their respective wife and husband-to-be...Richard and Jill Noble came as the Rubbles and Simon and Andrea Bean came as the Flintstones...and they celebrated their reception in a very appropriate Dinosaur theme-park...
From the Metro newspaper:-
"With 165 guests dressed as cavemen and women, Wilma and Betty entered the ceremony to the traditional strains of Wagner's Bridal March ... which was quickly replaced by the theme tune to The Flintstones.
After tying their knots in Norwich on Saturday, the two couples visited a dinosaur park for their wedding photos.
Mrs Bean, 36, from Hoveton, near Norwich, said the couples were very close as Jill, 38, of Starston, Norfolk, is her husband's sister.
'It was a fantastic day, all the guests made such an effort,' she added.
'We've all been married before so we didn't want the traditional white wedding.'
Instead of presents, they asked guests to donate money to the Children's Liver Disease Foundation and raised more than £1,200."
I am in awe of such a fabulously fun idea for a wedding !!
'PETER PAN'
Here's one which will give you all pause for thought...Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up, gets married to Tinkerbell, the fairy who will never die...
Hmm, they are an odd couple...she looks way too old for him and he looks as camp as a row of tents anyway...what on earth are they doing getting married ?!!
Well, they both love dressing up - indeed they both seem to have a passion for it ( he more than her I secretly suspect )...
Here they are on two other occasions, indulging their passion for pretty things...enjoying the sense of freedom that comes from being who you really are...
I shall leave you to draw your own conclusions, and move swiftly on...
'SHREK'
This is possibly the most bizarre themed wedding, as it is based on a children's cartoon film about an ogre who falls in love with a princess...which means they both have to green up...strangely, not as attractive as you might think on your wedding day !!
Oh well, who are we to judge - both this couple and the last one are so obviously happy - who cares ??!!
'STAR TREK'
This is one of the most popular themes for a wedding as you may guess - 'Star Trek', 'Star Wars', and 'The Lord of the Rings' are without doubt the most popular themes for weddings, simply because they have the biggest fandoms, and possibly the most creative fans out there - it is a well known fact that the people who can suspend their own disbelief and enjopy the fantasy of such shows are capable of anything, frankly...
Even the possibility of an Elvis impersonator to officiate at their wedding on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise...how very Las Vegas !!
I am in a bit of a quandary as to what the bride's dress has to do with the theme, exactly ? I would have hoped that she would have had the courage to come as the Betazed character Troy, from 'Star Trek : The Next Generation', a race who, as we all know, get married in the buff...
KLINGON
This was the second Star Trek themed wedding I came across, and I had to include it, as it is the best example of all the people involved really pulling out all the stops to get it right - even the officiator was all dressed up and it was conducted in Klingon, of course, and took place on the bridge of a Klingon Bird of Prey Battle-Cruiser..and why not ?!!
'STAR WARS'
'Star Wars' was the second of the big three for themed weddings, and this one was one of the best I found, amongst many online...the accuracy of the costumes and the fun that was obviously had by all was of paramount importance...
Now wouldn't you think that the groom would have gone for one of the heroes of the story - say the young Obi Wan Kenobi, or Luke Skywalker - but no, he went for something that made him look somewhat less than Human...
'THE LORD OF THE RINGS' : WEDDING NO 1
This was one of the most popular themes for a wedding as you can imagine - the costumes, props and settings chosen are simply perfect wedding stuff - very romantic indeed...and very close to medieval in style !!
This was Sarah and Patrick's wedding that took place back in 2004, but because this style obviously doesn't date, they will have a wedding that will always look good in the photos - this is something to be considered when you are thinking of which theme to go for...of course, you wouldn't even consider this unless you are both really big fans of the books and the films anyway !!,
She went for the Arwen Look, with her Hobbit bridesmaids carrying lanterns bedecked with flowers...Arwen seems to be the obvious choice for the brides...
I just had to include this too - their amazing Minis Tirith cake, created by her sister...
THE LORD OF THE RINGS : WEDDING NO 2
This was the wedding of Lorie and Nathan which took place in the U P Lagoon in the Philippines, back in May 2004 - she went as Arwen t and he had a fantastic Gondorian uniform...
Great entrance to the wedding clearing...
The groom had an entourage of his own...
The wedding arch bedecked with flowers...
The cutest Hobbit flower girl - reminds me of Peter Jackson's daughter in FOTR...
Lorie's Maid of Honour...
This is one of the nicest wedding photos I have seen, as everyone looks like they are having the best time...
'THE LORD OF THE RINGS' : WEDDING NO 3
This was the wedding of Rheena and John back in June 2005 - they are also from the Philippines and they staged an amazing LOTR-themed wedding...
She also went for the Arwen Look - absolutely stunning !!
Oodles of cute Hobbitses...
I love the fact that they have altered the advertising poster for 'The Two Towers' ...
It has to be said that I am a tad biased in this because I am a huge fan of the books and the films, and so the LOTR-themed weddings resonate with me more than the others, and I had no shortage of choice as it is immensely popular - more so than the others I reckon !!
GOTHIC HORROR
As well as basing your wedding around a TV or Film theme, the other most popular theme is of course, the Gothic Horror wedding, and there are millions of people out there for whom this is nothing less than a complete lifestyle choice and for them, their wedding is a foregone conclusion - the dress will be black, on its own, or with red, white or purple...
For me, these are the most entertaining weddings of all as there are really good ones and really bad ones...it is a genre that somehow lends itself to being done really really badly if you're not careful...
See what you think of this little lot !!
Firstly there is the colour theme to be decided - black and red is always a popular choice...but it would have been better if they had remembered their skirts perhaps...I do like the faceless monk officiating though !!
I love this couple's costumes - very Edwardian and very dandy...and strikingly well done !! The kids look like they have dressed up for Hallowe'en though...Trick or Treat anyone...
These photos below are from a Russian Gothic wedding, so it proves that this style is truly popular world-wide...the couple look like they are about fourteen though - worryingly young !!
I love his Storm-trooper boots - how very Star Wars !!
This is Julie Williams and Dylan Holroyd who got together a bit later in life...but still decided that the Goth wedding was the way forward...
You will note the dog collar and lead that she has around his neck !!
From the Daily Mail :-
"Arcade worker Julie, who arrived to the nuptials in a coffin and hearse, said their wedding seemed "like the most natural thing to do."
Julie, nicknamed Morticia by friends, walked her husband down the aisle with none other than a dog lead and said they decided to tie the knot after first meeting 27 years ago.
"We went our separate ways when we were young, married other people and had children," she told the Mirror.
"But then we bumped into each other last year and realised we were meant to be together."
"So the first thing I did was put a dog collar around his neck and say 'It's taken me this long to get you, I'm not letting you escape now'."
More than 100 guests attended the register office wedding in Wakefiled, Yorkshire, and Julie's wedding coffin now takes pride of place as her lounge room coffee table."
If you decide to do the Goth wedding thing, your dress is a subject of the first consideration - do you wear black, or red or both, or maybe black and purple ?!! Here are a couple of dresses I found amongst all the myriad available online - which include white too...
The first is very Medieval in style, and the second is more of a slinky Morticia Addams Look - I know which I prefer...
I hope you have enjoyed this very long post - I had a little trouble with writing it, having to redo a whole lot when my computer lost what I had written - I am fast learning how Google Chrome works with the Auto-save function on Live Journal...
Do tell us all your thoughts on all the wedding nightmares in here and also the interestingly themed weddings...would you or have you considered a themed wedding of your own ? If so, what were the pitfalls and what were the successes ?...
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