Political Translation: US Deploys Troops into Uganda
Based on recent trends on Twitter and Google, it’s obvious that many of you are wondering, “Why the heck are we sending 100 American troops to Uganda?” Well, in the hopes of answering that question, I thought the best place to start would be the official letter from President Obama to Speaker Boehner explaining the administrations actions, followed by a translation of what the White House actually meant.
First, the official letter:
The White House
Office of the Press Secretary
For Immediate Release
October 14, 2011
Letter from the President to the Speaker of the House of Representatives and the President Pro Tempore of the Senate Regarding the Lord’s Resistance ArmyTEXT OF A LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
TO THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
AND THE PRESIDENT PRO TEMPORE OF THE SENATEDear Mr. Speaker: (Dear Mr. President:)
For more than two decades, the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) has murdered, raped, and kidnapped tens of thousands of men, women, and children in central Africa. The LRA continues to commit atrocities across the Central African Republic, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and South Sudan that have a disproportionate impact on regional security. Since 2008, the United States has supported regional military efforts to pursue the LRA and protect local communities. Even with some limited U.S. assistance, however, regional military efforts have thus far been unsuccessful in removing LRA leader Joseph Kony or his top commanders from the battlefield. In the Lord’s Resistance Army Disarmament and Northern Uganda Recovery Act of 2009, Public Law 111 172, enacted May 24, 2010, the Congress also expressed support for increased, comprehensive U.S. efforts to help mitigate and eliminate the threat posed by the LRA to civilians and regional stability.
In furtherance of the Congress’s stated policy, I have authorized a small number of combat equipped U.S. forces to deploy to central Africa to provide assistance to regional forces that are working toward the removal of Joseph Kony from the battlefield. I believe that deploying these U.S. Armed Forces furthers U.S. national security interests and foreign policy and will be a significant contribution toward counter LRA efforts in central Africa.
On October 12, the initial team of U.S. military personnel with appropriate combat equipment deployed to Uganda. During the next month, additional forces will deploy, including a second combat-equipped team and associated headquarters, communications, and logistics personnel. The total number of U.S. military personnel deploying for this mission is approximately 100. These forces will act as advisors to partner forces that have the goal of removing from the battlefield Joseph Kony and other senior leadership of the LRA. Our forces will provide information, advice, and assistance to select partner nation forces. Subject to the approval of each respective host nation, elements of these U.S. forces will deploy into Uganda, South Sudan, the Central African Republic, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The support provided by U.S. forces will enhance regional efforts against the LRA. However, although the U.S. forces are combat equipped, they will only be providing information, advice, and assistance to partner nation forces, and they will not themselves engage LRA forces unless necessary for self defense. All appropriate precautions have been taken to ensure the safety of U.S. military personnel during their deployment.
I have directed this deployment, which is in the national security and foreign policy interests of the United States, pursuant to my constitutional authority to conduct U.S. foreign relations and as Commander in Chief and Chief Executive. I am making this report as part of my efforts to keep the Congress fully informed, consistent with the War Powers Resolution (Public Law 93 148). I appreciate the support of the Congress in this action.
Sincerely,
BARACK OBAMA
And now, the official DailySkew translation of the letter from Obama to Boehner, where we find out what the President actually meant:
Dear Mr. Speaker: (Dear Mr. President:)
Very few in America has heard of the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA). Even fewer people care what this group is doing in Uganda. Since 2008, we have been propping up Ugandan President Museveni’s efforts to deal with these rebels. Here’s a picture of the guy, cause I know you’re people in Rio Linda have trouble seeing beyond the border:
Just kidding, John. I know your boy Bush and our girl Pelosi started this.
So far, the money we’ve spent in Uganda has been a huge sinkhole. Before you start dreaming of ways to slam me and score political points, let me remind you that in the Lord’s Resistance Army Disarmament and Northern Uganda Recovery Act of 2009, Public Law 111 172, enacted May 24, 2010, Congress expressed support for what we’ve done, and what we’re about to do. Let’s not forget that bill was passed with bipartisan support.
It’s time for the public to become aware of our involvement in Uganda. I believe that deploying these troops will strengthen my foreign policy credentials and boost my chances of getting re-elected.
Yeah, I sent troops to Uganda without telling you about it. And guess what? I’m not asking for permission to send more troops. Remember, you passed that bill in 2010. W. was helping Uganda fight the LRA since 2008. Tell you what: I’ll give you an exact number of troops if you ask nicely
These forces are there to make sure our money is being spent properly, and lay down the law, if necessary. We also need to clean-up Somalia. The troops will supervise our proxy armies over there. The shipping companies are sick of the Pirates of Aden. If you’ve watched Black Hawk Down, you know we can’t get involved directly. The shipping lanes in the Gulf of Aden have to be cleaned up.
Tell your Tea Partyers that I have the authority to send troops into Uganda. The War Powers Resolution is on my side, and if a Republican wins the Presidency, you’ll want it on his side, too. I hope I’ve made myself clear.
Oh so Sincerely,
BARACK OBAMA
The preceding was a satirical piece, embedded with honesty.
Well, I for one hope the people in Somalia are freed from the terror of the Pirates of Aden, and Democracy is restored in that country. I also hope that LRA leader Joseph Kony is captured. I personally support bringing an end to murderers, thugs, and despots; I just wish We the People were more aware of these things before they happened. After all, this has been escalating since before 2010! I doubt NPR or Rush Limbaugh spent much time on this back then.
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