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Matt Foley
Hey you kids are probably saying to yourselves: I'm gonna go out there and grab the world by the tail! and wrap it around and pull it down and put it in my pocket. Well I'm here to tell you that you're probably going to find out, as you go out there, that you're not going to amount to jack squat!
Now from what I hear, you're usng your paper not for writing but for rollin' doobies! You're gonna  be doing alot of doobie rolling when you're living in a van down by the river!
Now you kids are probably saying to yourselves, "Hey Matt, how can we get back on the right track?" And the answer is that I get my gear and move in with you. We're gonna be BUDDIES. We're gonna be PALS. Here's you, there's Matt, here's you, here's Matt...
Chris Farley Show
(To Scorcese) One of your films was very controversial, it was The Last Temptation of Christ. Based on the book by um... Nicosca... Nicocassacus...You remember in that one scene when Jesus goes into the temple and the money changers are there. And Jesus starts punching them out, starts dumping them over tables and he just loses it on this one guy?...What that your idea?
Tommy Boy
I can get a great look at a t-bone steak by shoving my head up a bull's ass but I'd rather take the butchers word for it.
The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.
Hey Richard...fat guy in a little coat!

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