More self evaluation . . .
Over the last several weeks I have been doing a LOT of self evaluation. I have been prompted to do this in at least two ways. The first prompt has come from leading someone through the Heart for Ministry course. A lot of what we have covered so far in that study has to do with understanding who we are. The second prompt to do self evaluation has come from the Emotionally Healthy Spirituality series that we are doing in our church right now. I began the journey towards an emotionally healthy spirituality a year ago and the journey continues! I realize that this will be a life long journey as God continues to peel away the layers of the "false self" that I have built for the last 35 years.This morning as I was preparing for the small group that I lead, I read the chapter that we will be studying tonight (Knowing yourself so that you may know God). This chapter deals with shedding our false self and it is TRULY the first step in having an emotionally healthy spirituality. In this chapter Scazzero talks about differentiation. I have blogged about this before (here) and it continues to be a subject that God brings to my attention. In the chapter that I read today, Scazzero gives a test to determine how differentiated you are. Here's the test (pg. 83-84):
Considering that Jesus was 100 percent true to Himself, or "self-differentiated," where might you place yourself on this scale?
0....................25....................50....................75...................100
0-25
- Can't distinguish between fact and feeling.
- Emotionally needy and highly reactive to others.
- Much of life energy spent in winning the approval of others.
- Little energy for goal-directed activities.
- Can't say, "I think . . . I believe . . ."
- Little emotional separation from their families.
- Dependent marital relationships.
- Do very poorly in transition, crisis, and life adjustments.
- Unable to see where they end and others begin.
- Some ability to distinguish between fact and feeling
- Most of self is a "false self" and reflected from others.
- When anxiety is low, they function relatively well.
- Quick to imitate others and change themselves to gain acceptance from others.
- Often talk one set of principles/beliefs, yet do another.
- Self-esteem soars with compliments or is crushed by criticism.
- Become anxious (i.e. highly reactive and "freaking out") when a relationship system falls apart or becomes unbalanced.
- Often make poor decisions due to their inability to think clearly under stress.
- Seek power, honour, knowledge, and love from others to clothe their false selves.
- Aware of the thinking and feeling functions that work as a team.
- Reasonable level of "true self".
- Can follow life goals that are determined within.
- Can state beliefs calmly without putting others down.
- Marriage is a functioning partnership where intimacy can be enjoyed without losing the self.
- Can allow children to progress through developmental phases into adult autonomy.
- Function well - alone or with others.
- Able to cope with crises without falling apart.
- Stay in relational connection with others without insisting they see the world the same.
- Is principle oriented and goal directed - secure in who they are, unaffected by criticism or praise.
- Is able to leave family of origin and become an inner-directed, separate adult.
- Sure of their beliefs but not dogmatic or closed in their thinking.
- Can hear and evaluate beliefs of others, discarding old beliefs in favour of new ones.
- Can listen without reacting and communicate without antagonizing others.
- Can respect others without having to change them.
- Aware of dependence on others and responsibility for others.
- Free to enjoy life and play.
- Able to maintain a non-anxious presence in the midst of stress and pressure.
- Able to take responsibility for their own destiny and life.
How about you? Where are you on this scale of self-differentiation?
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