From the Desk of Clive Owen: The Luck of the Irish (Biscuits)
FROM THE DESK OF CLIVE OWEN:
Darling lasses! It is I, your Lord and Master, Clive Owen, dashing off another naughty little note for all of you, my loves. You’re catching up with me while I film a movie in Dublin, Ireland. God bless it, I love Irish lasses. So pretty and so drunk. Is that anti-Irish to say? It’s quite possible that these lovely Irish girls aren’t drunk off alcohol – they could simply be drunk off of The Musk d’CliveDong. As soon as I arrive in any city, my scent wafts through the air, making sexy bitches delirious and horny. To the untrained eye, they appear drunk, but in truth, they’re overcome with The Musk (and they’re probably drunk too).
Would you like to know about this film I’m doing? It’s called Shadow Dancer – NOT MY CHOICE. It sounds like an Elton John song… not that there’s anything wrong with Elton John (when I show up at your door, I will have roses and chocolate and I will serenade you with “Your Song”). But if I was in charge of naming my movies, they would have titles like “Biscuit Threat: Clive’s Pants” and “To Dong and Beyond: The Clive Owen Story”. Anyhoodledongmusk, the film is totally depressing. Something about a young mother involved with the IRA who becomes an MI5 informant. And you wonder why I write to you… you are what lifts my spirits! You and Nespresso, which I’m carrying in these photos. All I need is you and Nespresso, bitches.
On a lighter note, you do remember that I’ve got a film coming out in September, right? It’s called The Killer Elite, and I’m mixing it up with a mustache, Robert DeNiro and Jason Statham. I get to play with big guns (and actual firearms). My mustache twitches winningly, and of course, villains always have more fun. I’m including the trailer (again) and the new poster. I don’t mind if you lick my mustache. Seriously. Go ahead.
Photos courtesy of Fame.
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