An End Worth The Means
It has become apparent to me over the last couple of days that something is off.
I can't say what but I feel the breakthrough coming. I have reach this moment before. It is the brick wall on the path. The path behind it is smooth and fine. The brick wall is there to determine if I deserve the path. DO I fall flat and give up or DO I push on?
One of the things I've strived to be is a leader. A great one. I must say it is one of the hardest things to do.
I have noticed alot of guys who have great potential for leadership. Some are even leaders now. It seems that at my age to be a leader involves the wrong things. A leader is the head of the group and represents everything said group stands for. At my age, a group of similar age kids have a lot of stupid things in mind. Things I don't align with.
I have always wondered why I find it so hard to fit into any group. I sometimes thought it had to do with the fact that I don't like being a follower. But that would be wrong. I know I used to follow my best friend around. And I loved hanging out with him and letting him lead. So when I go back and think about it. I followed him around because he had something I wanted or at least he stood for something I wanted to stand for too.
The simple thing there is that is just a two person group. Now what about a five person group. Also, in my opinion, that group style I had with my friend wasn't good. It involved dependence rather than interdependce. Interdependence is independent people coming together for a common cause. They know that they don't need each other but it wouldn't hurt to align with one another.
I simply want to be the leader of a group of independent guys. But once again it is a diffucult thing to find, truly independent guys with solid sense of selfs and personality at my age. Also let's not forget the fact that I am not at that level of self yet. I feel it's close though. I feel the change coming.
I trust that when I become the man I truly want to be. A man who is centered, knows who he is fully and powerful within himself. People will notice and the right guys will align with me.
These ideas are basics. Yet to me, they are powerful. I am still on my way to being the man I wish to be. I am constantly striving towards that goal. I believe that once I am there, the right leadership role will come. It is a slow process. All transformations/evolutions are. Nonetheless it is a process worth the ends.
I just have to rememeber to focus on the present. Gain intense presence which is no easy task. Once again it is a means that is worth its ends.
Until tommorrow,
Marvel
