Grace in the Presence of Apparent Crisis

Like many people these days, I have some serious financial challenges facing me right now. You may have seen the discussion thread on this, but in case you haven't, this is what's going on.

My husband left in June to start a new house and life with the woman he's been dating since last October. He stopped paying our mortgage in April. He told me that if I can't pay the bills, I should take the kids and move into a homeless shelter.

I usually write about spiritual awakening. My work involves sharing the process of becoming conscious of who and what we are. Today, however, I'm writing about a real down-to-Earth challenge.

Like many others, my home is in foreclosure. The auction date is Nov 4. If I can make a payment before then, the house comes out of foreclosure and I can qualify for the new program to help home owners. I am trying to sell enough copies of my eBook, "Awakening Consciousness," by the end of the month to make that payment and show the HUD counselor that I can generate enough income to keep up a refinanced mortgage.

Here is how this all came about:
I was on disability for 4 years because of 13 surgeries, including 6 on my knees. During that time I started college, attending a community college online. That alone was a great accomplishment for a dyslexic high school drop out. At 45, I not only started college, but after one semester was invited to join Phi Theta Kappa as an honor student. A year later, the school asked me to represent them in the All-State Academic Team. It was an incredible honor and I thought everything was going phenomenally well. The insurance company told me in March this year that attending college, even on my computer, disqualifies me for disability. My monthly checks stopped. I live in a small rural farm town where the only work is at McDonalds, Circle K, or Wal-Mart. All requiring you to be on your feet all day, which I cannot do. When my husband left, I had to come up with $230 to keep the power on because he had never put my name on the account. I sold everything I could in garage sales and on eBay and received some help from our church.

It took two months to get food stamps, so we went to food banks a few times. My husband took his three kids from a previous marriage with him to his new house, furnished with the money from our joint bank account. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and the son we had together 5 years ago. My kids have been wonderful about this whole thing, offering their toys to put in the garage sales and reassuring me in my weaker moments. My husband does not pay child support because we are not yet divorced. I can't afford an attorney right now. While I was taking our son to food banks, my husband was taking his girlfriend and the other kids out for pizza every Saturday night and taking them to ballgames. Obviously, I'm not happy with his choices, but I don't resent him. He is simply living according to who he is. He is showing me why it was the best thing for us to split up.

I started classes again in August and received my financial aid check in mid-September. I was so grateful to be able to pay all the utilities in full, pay two months on my car, and repay all the people who helped us through the summer. That was a day of tearful gratitude.

One year ago, I built a web site and began getting involved in online communities. As I have found people who are doing wonderful things for others, I have supported them. One such person thought of me last month when she was feeling overwhelmed. She hired me to be her assistant. That was such a great gift. Then she had an emergency repair and had to lay me off. I will be working for her again soon, though, and that's a reliable source of income, even though it isn't a lot. I have recently become a distributor for Holy Tea and Young Living Essential oils, but I know it will take some time to build an income from them. I know I will be financial self-sufficient soon, but right now I have to address the situation at hand.

My eBook gives me the most hope for getting through this challenge. It is about remembering who and what we really are and the barriers that keep us from that awareness. Those who've read the book have unanimously said they loved it. I would like people to buy it so they can benefit from its pages, so that it can bless their lives. What I put out into the world is a statement about who I am. I have a great desire to assist others in knowing who they are so that they can create fulfilling lives, according to the true magnificence that they are. Much of my work is freely available to anyone on my web site, three blogs, and 22 Squidoo lenses. I also have several articles posted around the internet.

This summer has presented me with countless opportunities to choose who I'm going to be and how I respond to life. I don't think I've ever grown so much in such a short span of time. Others have already benefited from my experiences as I share each new understanding and how I have dealt with fear, resentment, regret, judgment, and acceptance. I know that I will have much more to share with people who are facing this same challenge now. It will be my joy to encourage them and support them as they find their own gifts and talents to resolve their financial and personal struggles.

While my situation appears to be grim, I feel no sense of impending doom. My heart is centered in Love, trusting Love, and surrendering to Love. I listen for inspiration and guidance and take action accordingly. That's why I have reached out to the online community. The bloggers on blog catalog have been responding with support, prayers, ideas, and even by purchasing the book. People on Squidoo are helping, too. I know that all is well in the realm of Spirit and that what is so in Spirit must show up in the material world. There is a light ahead, and I trust that Light. If you are facing similar challenges, know that you are not alone and that you too are supported.

If you would like a copy of "Awakening Consciousness" you can get it at http://www.Journey2Happiness.com, my main web site, by clicking on the online store link at the top. While you're there, I hope you enjoy the inspiring images and articles. If you just want to go to the book, you can go to www.shop.Journey2Happiness.com and click on the little book icon.

If you or someone you know has suffered from violent or sexual abuse, I have another blog that may be helpful. This husband wasn't physically abusive, but I have come to realize that intimidation is a form of abuse. I was sexually assaulted by seven boys at 13 and married a man at 26 who turned out to be severely abusive. That blog is about healing from that abuse and learning to love ourselves completely. Recovering from Abuse blog

At this time, I only have to sell another 310 copies of my book. A reporter is coming to the house this week to do a story about us for the local paper, and I have made and distributed fliers. Members of our church just this morning paid for 85 copies. Our request for help is also listed on WishUponAHero.com.

If you don't want the book, but would like to help us keep our home, please click here: PayPal  and send it to account: ConsciousChange1@aol.com

For all this world, for all beings, I radiate Love and support the remembering of who we really are.
Jacqueline