Healing Fear in the Midst of Struggle

Trying times, as many are now experiencing, can bring up old fears even after we've done a lot of work to heal them. This is true especially of financial struggles because we have felt unsupported by love, life, and other people in our past. But this is actually an opportunity for us to make great strides in our personal growth.

The greatest damage done by abuse is the destruction of our self-esteem and self-worth. It makes us feel undeserving of love, or any good in life. Our bruises and bones heal much more quickly and easily than our hearts, spirits, and beliefs. This is why the development of self-love is so important. If we don't love ourselves, we aren't able to feel worthy of what we desire in life. These feelings and beliefs about ourselves are reflected back to us in the way we experience life.

Financial struggles are evidence that we feel undeserving of support and we don't yet trust Life, which is Love moving in the physical world. I've been given the opportunity to experience this personally recently so that I can see what was lingering in my consciousness and change it. My husband would not support me emotionally or spiritually when we were married and neither would he support me financially after we split up. He hasn't paid any child support or spousal maintenance, or even helped with our son. My disability checks got cut off because I go to school, (online). The state took two months to approve my application for food stamps and denied the application for cash assistance because of the financial aid I get for school. My book wasn't selling very well and my business was taking a long time to get going. Sounds like everything was working against me, doesn't it? The truth is that I was working against myself with my own fears.

Fear kept reminding me of all the times and ways that I've failed before or not had enough to survive. Yet, here I am. No matter what has happened in my life, there was always something that worked out. New possibilities and opportunities have always shown up, often in the nic of time. The foreclosure on my house brought up a lot of fear, mostly based on past experience, but this is not the past. I am not who I used to be. In fact, nothing that has ever happened before has any bearing on now. This is a new day, filled with new possibilities.

My level of trust has increased a thousand fold, along with my commitment to live in Love and Joy no matter what is going on around me. Its not a matter of denial or ignoring my responsibilities. All I really have to do to know that I am being supported is look around and what's true in the present moment. My kids and I still have our house. We have an abundance of food and the utilities are all on. We have all our material needs met and are surrounded by love. I still get to do the work that I am so passionate about, both with victims of abuse and with awakening consciousness. School is continuing as well, yet I still have time to enjoy my kids, meditate, and keep in touch with friends. The evidence of the present moment shows me very clearly that we are supported.

One point I will make about finances is paying our debts. This is something that has had a powerful impact on my life. When my husband and I met, we were both heavily in debt. It got worse over the first year or so. Then we made a commitment to pay our debts. We would pick one at a time and pay as much as we could as soon as we could. After two years, most of them were paid in full. That's what made it possible for us to qualify for a house. When we split up, he planned on filing bankruptcy so he stopped paying on everything but the utilities two months before he moved out. I never felt good about that. It was a move in the wrong direction.

When I received my student financial aid, the first thing I did was pay as many bills as I could in full. People told me not to do that, to hold onto the money "just in case." But there is a spiritual principle behind paying our debts. If you don't pay what you can, you are telling the universe that you don't have enough. It will respond by fulfilling that statement. When you pay your debts, you're telling the universe, "I have enough" and it responds by demonstrating to you that you do indeed have enough. In other words, it brings you more support.

Even with foreclosure bearing down on us, I paid my monthly bills. If I couldn't pay the whole thing I at least paid part of it. As a result, we still have our house, our car, and everything we need. This is true for me in my experience. It can be true for you as well.

For everyone, I affirm your healing and your abundant support, with Love.