Dong...where is grandpa's automobile?
I ventured down to watch the parade and festivities viewing first hand the truest meaning of patriotism on a local level that really hit home (patting chest) --- by the end I was trembling with emotion and when the Jamestown Community Band played "it's a grand old flag" I was consumed with such patriotic emotion and fell into a heap at the foot of Narragansett Ave. Actually I didn't fall --- I sat and truthfully, I was trembling from my second cafe mocha-chino of the morning. I watched the fellow playing the triangle in the band with great mysticism --- the triangle? Do you think J. Phillip Sousa or G.M. Cohen ever regarded the triangle? Or was it a way to include the spoiled son of some wealthy band benefactor with no musical acumen in the group? I mean do they have a curriculum at Julliard for the triangle? Can you imagine such a thing?
You were among the missing again and I've decided that you don't exist at all --- I simply dreamt you up in my vast imagination and every aspect resides in my own nog. Every dysfunctional detail mere thoughts to amuse myself. I caught myself looking for you in the crowd of soldiers, firemen and boy-scouts. Ridiculous really...
Old eagle scouts that try to squeeze into the old uniform is a funny thing to see --- they wear a special piece of cloth to hold the literally thousands of badges and patches --- not sure what makes them patriotic -- the ability to tie a hitch knot in a mooring line? Heroes? Anyway they look funny and sort of pathetic --- maybe they can still fit into the uniform because the cool kids always stole their lunch in high school (maybe still are) and well, they adapted to not eating as much. One forty year old bald guy with thick glasses wore the tiny olive colored shorts of his youth which was clearly a mistake but his fetching crimson sash covered with medals covered most of the mess anyway --- because it was spilling out all over. I was never a boy scout, or even a cub scout --- but I was one of the cool kids that stole their lunch. (haha)
I imagine that you are still living in grandma's apartment --- you re-arrange a few things and clean under them and your mother steals in the middle of the night and replaces the dust. You spend your evenings at the kitchen table, beneath a single light hanging from the ceiling, re-filling granny's shampoo bottles and dreaming of ways your mother could fall off a train platform or contract some tropical disease that makes her skin sluice off leaving her screaming in agony --- until you realize that she died in 1964. Years before you were born. Then you laugh quietly to yourself and continue filling bottles. Yes, yes that works for me. WAIT...CATS, you are surrounded by cats. Mute, cats...with double paws! They still meow --- but no noise comes out --- so it appears that they are yawning --- this makes you sleepy at first, but you have more bottles to fill. HOW FUN!
You were among the missing again and I've decided that you don't exist at all --- I simply dreamt you up in my vast imagination and every aspect resides in my own nog. Every dysfunctional detail mere thoughts to amuse myself. I caught myself looking for you in the crowd of soldiers, firemen and boy-scouts. Ridiculous really...
Old eagle scouts that try to squeeze into the old uniform is a funny thing to see --- they wear a special piece of cloth to hold the literally thousands of badges and patches --- not sure what makes them patriotic -- the ability to tie a hitch knot in a mooring line? Heroes? Anyway they look funny and sort of pathetic --- maybe they can still fit into the uniform because the cool kids always stole their lunch in high school (maybe still are) and well, they adapted to not eating as much. One forty year old bald guy with thick glasses wore the tiny olive colored shorts of his youth which was clearly a mistake but his fetching crimson sash covered with medals covered most of the mess anyway --- because it was spilling out all over. I was never a boy scout, or even a cub scout --- but I was one of the cool kids that stole their lunch. (haha)
I imagine that you are still living in grandma's apartment --- you re-arrange a few things and clean under them and your mother steals in the middle of the night and replaces the dust. You spend your evenings at the kitchen table, beneath a single light hanging from the ceiling, re-filling granny's shampoo bottles and dreaming of ways your mother could fall off a train platform or contract some tropical disease that makes her skin sluice off leaving her screaming in agony --- until you realize that she died in 1964. Years before you were born. Then you laugh quietly to yourself and continue filling bottles. Yes, yes that works for me. WAIT...CATS, you are surrounded by cats. Mute, cats...with double paws! They still meow --- but no noise comes out --- so it appears that they are yawning --- this makes you sleepy at first, but you have more bottles to fill. HOW FUN!
Related Articles
Comments
Be the first to leave a comment!
About the Author
0 Kudos
+ Kudo
People in Pictures
Top Humor Articles
 |
Top Things Not Better Than Sex, Starring the Internet
Here's a rebuttal to the least convincing arguments for things being better than sex.
|
 |
Frivolous Lawsuits - Attack of the Thong
Part 1 in our on-going series of stories on how morons use the legal system to get free money. By Seanbaby
|
 |
Late Night Jokes: Top 10 Things You Don't Want To Hear At The Beach
It's summer time, and always time for a good joke.
|
Popular Humor Zines
