Dane Cook Quotes

Dane Cook (born March 18, 1972) is a funny, funny man. He is best known for his "Retaliation" comedy CD, which became the highest charting comedy album in 28 years. Check out the latest Dane Cook quotes, pictures, jokes, and articles... [more]

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	I invite her back to my apartment, or as I call it, the "Death Star." I'm still working on it, it's not completely operational.
	When you walk into the public restroom, why is everything fucking wet?
	I don't know if I could kill someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat - unless I found a whole room of people who also wanted that person dead.
	I'd love to shoot a laser out of my cock. And when I'm empty my balls glow. Low fuel...balls are empty.