David Caruso: My Name is Heidi! I'm a Hooker!

The Life and Times of HeidiHo! Chapter III

As I approach the tall distinctive looking middle-aged man who is beckoning me with his crooked finger, I realize how totally out of his element he seems, on the teeming, steamy streets in ZN, Tijuana's Red Light District. The obvious American, with shades of class never found here, the red head still exposed even with the baseball cap, wearing trendy jeans, a navy tee and loafers, he looks more like the country gentleman out for an evening stroll around his grounds.

And so begins another night working the streets of Tijuana. Fantasizing about David Caruso is the only way I can survive my descent into hooker's hell. Stranded here, with no money, no friends, and no job, I have to take what I can get. In the ZN of Tijuana, that amounts to prostitution, with or without a side of waiting tables.

The Zona Notre is not the best place in Tijuana to be stranded. I ran here because I've been here before, it's close to the border. I'm still hoping I can get into the US and go to Los Angeles. That's my dream, to be part of the action of the celebrity world. That, and to find David Caruso..............Alone. Not with Amina, not with Marquez or Paloma or Greta. Just him. Maybe I'll give him another chance. I've learned a lot in Tijuana. I'd be very good to him.

Turning tricks in Tijuana doesn't pay well. It's hard work, especially for someone over 40; well over 40, to be honest. There's a lot of competition here. Women much younger, some in their teens, much prettier, much more willing than I to do the bidding of some "john" for $11.00 for half an hour. It takes a lot of tricks to pay the rent, buy food and still have money for the internet cafe.

Waiting tables and turning tricks. That's what most of the Hollywood girls do before they find their sugar daddy, don't they? Why not me? I'm better than most of them, anyway. I'll find my meal ticket. But not here. I've got to find a way out of here and get to LA.

Lost in my own world, I lead the 50+, no class jerk with that "let's go to TJ and get laid" look in his eye and $20.00 in his pocket, reeking of cheap tequila, toward the upstairs room at Coahuila. It's getting tougher to focus on David Caruso while being pawed by the ineptitude of these bar bums. I concentrate on my cyber-social activity.

Who can I harass tomorrow? Sarakanne and Dojo are such 'silly fangirls'. Vipix and IMDb are boring. TV Guide is fun only when I can manipulate it. Everyone left Zimbio, so I can write and publish, but I can't tweak the others. I really should look up the definition of inane. I really should develop some new retorts. Mine are getting old and easy to spot, no matter what name I use.

"Opinions are like a**holes everybody has got one. Even you. LOL Next joke." "Oh, my, now i´m really impressed - NOT. LoL." " Got another joke? Bring it on. You are amusing if nothing else." " Gives me a good laugh if nothing else. Keep up the fun! LOL! " "Your inane comments are amusing if nothing else".

Good, his half hour is up. I dig out his change and fairly shove him out the door. Finding a clean spot in the mirror over the barren chest of drawers, I freshen my face, straighten my clothes, brush my hair, and head back out to the street. It's not yet midnight; plenty of time for a couple more tricks. That will buy me a couple of hours at the internet cafe. Damn! I have to see that doctor in the morning. I can't work if I caught something. And, I don't even know what it is yet. Damn!

Tomorrow's another day. Better things to come. Maybe David will come to TJ. Maybe I'll find someone who's willing to smuggle me over the border. Please support my efforts. I'll do anything you ask for money. Just email Dojo or you can email me directly at heidislushfund@hotmail.com.

Based on online interviews.