By Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist Introduction As a psychologist, I typically ask patients to describe the emotional state or social situation that brings them to my office. In 34 years of clinical experience, I’ve heard a variety of descriptions. Some individuals have researched their symptoms and may describe themselves as depressed, anxious, phobic, obsessive-compulsive, or anorexic. Others use common words or descriptions such as “I’m sad”, “I worry too much”, or “I’m... Read Full Story
Domestic Violence in the Jewish Community by Tammy Goldberg Often, when people hear about my work at CHANA, the Counseling, Helpline & Aid Network for Abused Women, they ask: "Do Jewish men really do that?" "Does domestic violence really happen in the Jewish community?" Several prevalent myths lead Jews to doubt that domestic violence is a Jewish problem. One such myth is that Jewish families are loving, nurturing and harmonious. "Shalom bayit," domestic tranquility, is a central ideal in... Read Full Story
Psychological secrets to predict, control and influence every situation Chapter 9, Pages 42-43 By David J. Lieberman, Ph. D. From the bedroom to the boardroom learn how to see clearly and easily evaluate information without being swayed by those with selfish interests and unkind intentions. The manipulator's bag of tricks is stocked with seven deadly tactics that can leave you jumping through hoops. The good news is that by knowing what they are, you can watch out for them, and...never be... Read Full Story
What a complete moron! Why, oh, why did he do that? Talk about no class, no shame, no boundaries. Like that old male saw from the 1950s and 1960s maybe he was really one of those "find 'em, feel 'em, f**k 'em and forget 'em!" types and the girlfriend dumped his sorry self before he could drag her down even further. But he had to make it look like it was the other way around, and do it in a humilitating and downright sick way. No, Pauly-Bear couldn't just go to her like an adult and tell her... Read Full Story
(Written by Maria De Santis of the Women’s Justice Center, Santa Rosa, CA) There’s a seemingly simple little exercise we’ve done dozens of times at workshops on violence against women. The usual responses, however, are anything but simple. They’re confounding and cause for concern. Recently we repeated the exercise with a conference room full of 70 social workers, advocates, therapists, and mental health workers. “Why don’t some domestic violence victims leave the relationship,” we ask... Read Full Story
Abusers must be reported. It is a “hilul hashem,” a moral desecration, of God’s name and of the Ten Commandments, for a Jewish individual not to report suspicions of abuse or immoral and illegal behavior. MY PERSONAL THANKS TO THESE WHO SPEAK OUT, EVEN AT THEIR OWN PERIL (OFTEN MALIGNED AND SLANDERED) - AND TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT ABUSE OF ANY KIND IN THE JEWISH COMMUNITY: JEWISH WOMEN INTERNATIONAL (I am proud to be affiliated with this organization) THE UNORTHODOX JEW JEWISH SURVIVORS OF... Read Full Story
From this great site: The not-so-bitter truth “You’re just bitter.” This is a phrase commonly used to silence women . Another variation says, “You are so unforgiving.” The bitterness accusation is used to bully a woman and tell her how she “should” feel instead of asking her how she does feel. Someone who uses this label expects her to pretend there has been no harm, no foul. She is expected to pretend the one who hurt her is a great person, even if she knows he is a terrible person. If she... Read Full Story
The First Commandment: Thou shalt reinterpret reality to preserve the perfect fantasy. Sample Situation: This commandment is designed to hide family secrets. If you saw dad stagger and fall down the basement steps because he was drunk, you can't tell the truth. instead, reality must be interpreted into an acceptable fantasy. "Daddy wasn't drunk; he simply lost his balance and tripped. Poor Daddy." Application: Even if you see it, it's not real. You must have made a mistake. Therefore... Read Full Story
Ten Reasons to Stay the Same From " Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. To answer the question "Why Does He Do That?" we have to examine the foundation on which abusive behaviors are based. On the first level are the abuser's attitudes, beliefs and habits-- the thinking that drives his behavior day in and day out, which we have been looking at. On the second level is the learning process by which some boys develop into abusive men or, in... Read Full Story
