Fashion Dos & Don’ts: Toy Dog Edition

I’m not exactly sure who’s responsible but somewhere along the line, it became acceptable -- even fashionable -- to take little yappy dogs shopping. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for using animals for accessories. I mean, I have a boyfriend. But I have to draw the line when some frigid bitch treats her dog with more respect than the sales attendants at Bloomingdale’s.

Here are some ruthless offenders.

This is Emily Rossum (left), presumably with her agent, who’s pointing to a pet store saying, “how much is that doggie in the window? Oh, never mind, we have dogs! HAHAHAHA!!!” Uh, bitch I think that dog is a little too big to carry around. I hope she drops it and it attacks them both.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Donnatella Versace. Donnatella is wearing a lovely custom-designed blue visor, some weird plastic shit and is being held by the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Arrrrrrgrrrrr!!

“Just to let you know, everyone, I trim my pubic hair to look like my poodle.” Though, I have to say, that is a terrific mullet.

Not only isJessica Alba shopping with a little dog, she’s shopping with a little dog bred to be intentionally ugly. However, it is in the shape of a football. Hut 1 – hut 2 – hike!

I’m not sure what sort of dog this is but somewhere along the line I bet someone said, “Hey put that thing on a leash.” And she did. I didn’t know bad taste in hats was genetic.

Just when you thought people couldn’t get dumber, some asshole brings his dog to the mall in a shopping cart.

Check it out folks: This is how you do it. Big dog in a basket on a bicycle. That’s actually kinda cool. I still hope the dog bites her.

“Hi, I’m Mariah Carey, if you don’t buy my new album entitled, ‘E=MC2,’ I throw the dog into on-coming traffic.”

Mischa Barton is an actress, model, and dog holder. A show of hands who gives a shit? Didn’t think so.

“Poncho? Check. Cigarettes? Check. 5 yappy dogs leashed together? Check! Friend with a red fanny pack? Check! That farmers’ market will never know what hit them.”

Stop! Thief! This is pop sensation Rihanna dressed like a cat burglar from an 80s movie. I have to commend Rihanna for her choice in canine accessory though. The toy Wookie makes a bold and daring statement. Unfortunately, that statement is “I should have robbed a better pet store.”

Look! It’s Dog the Bounty Hunter, presumable on his way to the airport so his wife can sniff some bags. Arf arf!

Ah yes, Paris Hilton. Paris is the only person who can pull off the toy dog accessory because she’s committed to the look. She literally has a different dog for every occasion and every outfit. When she’s done, she probably just throws them out. I thought she’d ditch the oversized shades when Nicole Richie totally ruined the look. Guess not.