Fiction

After high school and a few years at a small community college, Oscar Crisp Dipper began to come into his own. The doo-doo head of elementary school and the tosser of high school were replaced. Oscar had become a grown man and so had become a douche of a different color. Oscar Crisp Dipper purchased a condo. Just a week after moving in he was preparing for his first condo association meeting. It was to begin at 7 o'clock in the evening. This meant that Oscar only had two hours to complete his presentation called, "Wisteria and Bamboo Not For You". He tore through ... Read Full Story

Every relationship eventually runs its course. Oscar and Claudia's found an ugly end around Halloween, four years after they met. It was a fitting time for what had become a monstrous pairing to meet its doom. Although nobody expected the ukulele. On the outside, Oscar and Claudia had it all. Oscar was elected president of their condo association. His platform was "Clean Sidewalk-Clean Souls, and the residents rallied behind him like he was the Messiah of Dwarf Mondo Grass. Of course Oscar's soul needed as much scrubbing as the next person, but, thankfully, Oscar's opponent, Shinobu Woo was embroiled in a nasty little scandal ... Read Full Story

Oscar Crisp Dipper had done something, on that September evening in eighth grade, of which he was completely unaware. Actually, he had done a few things. For starters, he had made himself a target for the school's guidance counselor, Mary Birch. She was a homely woman with wiry hair and poor posture. Ms. Birch, as she was known to the students, also suffered greatly from static cling and was forever straightening her skirt and pulling foreign objects like hall passes from her stockings. Ms. Birch once sat Oscar at a desk in the corner of her office and asked him fill out a form ... Read Full Story

Oscar and Claudia's relationship began with an opened bottle of nail polish remover. It was what Oscar had used, in middle school, to kill grass hoppers and stink bugs. On an evening, two years and four months ago, Claudia had used it to pacify a guy in his twenties who had some extraordinary misfortune with a can of spray glue. Like so many, Oscar and Claudia's affair was built on a combination of extreme attraction and disgust. "What in the name of holy hell are doing?" Oscar asked Claudia a week after that fateful night in the parking lot. He had shown up to ... Read Full Story

Oscar's Yeti hand was still in his pocket. The spray adhesive had actually made it stick to the lining a bit. That was alright, because it kept him from fidgeting too much. "I'd like stress the importance of foliage-free sidewalks," he said. Boy these people are in for a treat, he thought. "Foliage?" a lady with frizzy brown hair asked. There was one in every crowd. Oscar studied her for a moment without saying a word. She reeked of 1983 with that loud pink ribbon in her hair. Setting her Miss Pac -Man fashion sense aside, Oscar would have thought that a woman in ... Read Full Story