T HE BONE-YARD

The Bone Yard

There use to be a guy in NY who sold mattresses. His name was Crazy Eddie. His prices were insane.

Despite the Sunshine State’s great beaches perpetual summers et cetera its politics is run by a bunch of boneheads. They do say politicians are ugly actors or that the District is Hollywood for ugly people.

During the Labour Day weekend, Broward County, Florida—where a Hollywood exists too—Sheriff Ken Jenne was clearing his belongings from his office. On Tuesday, Jenne resigned as the county’s chief law enforcement officer.

His resignation was sought by a prosecutor who wants to make his name as Ken Jenne made his thirty years ago—being “Underdog” the slayer of the corrupt. Jenne gained access to $60,000 from various places, evaded taxes and committed mail fraud. (You can read the story, here.)

The US Attorney for the Southern District of Florida said he had to rid the county of corruption. I know a political hit when I see it and this is a big gotcha.

There are probably hundreds of thousand of political gotchas. Hell, mythology, religion, history is full of gotchas. My personal favorite is Julius Caesar, particularly if Shakespeare is his speechwriter.

In my career alone there were at least fifty prosecutions that were vendettas: Tony Scotto, Rep. Mario Biaggi, Meade Esposito, Teddy Mauritas, Rep. Robert Garcia. There was Abscam, Zofran—I kid that’s a nausea drug, Rx only.

Neither the Ds nor Rs would pull something like this in NY, although they hit Lyn Nofzinger on Abscam. I had clients out the ying-yang on that one. At least Jenne didn’t have dollars in his freezer—talk about cold hard cash. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

In any event during my “Great Awakening” (on behalf of a business client I relocated from New York’s Upper West Side to Tallahassee. Florida) is I realized my conjecture was correct: There is nothing between New York City and Hollywood but thousands of miles of cow dung.

Further digression—In Brooklyn the pols were Italian, Irish or Jewish. Although ethnics voted for ethnics non-Jewish candidates would trek to Borough Park to be blessed by the Rebbe. I knew the steps of that synagogue like the back of my hand.

The District Leader and president of the United Manzini Traditional Democratic Club was James V. Manago. He had been sheriff of King’s County then Billy O’Dwyer (later impeached) appointed him Chief Clerk of the King’s County Courts. He built them a new home; the house that Jimmy built.

For Jimmy $60,000 was pocket change and it’s not the notion that times are different. There are gotchas but going after a guy for political points is like pulling off a scab. For Ken Jenne it was a fifty-percent pay cut for others it just plain greed, or the rush of criminality who knows. Ken Jenne’s embarrassment is not going to change the political affiliation of Broward seniors, in fact they are use to shady politicians and they like the shade. It holds one’s interest.

Let’s get back to the Florida state party. There has, in the twenty years I’ve lived in Florida, not been an effective state boss. Democrats here never realized Florida would become a Red state and as in most of the Dixiecrat states the voters bought Nixon’s “Silent Majority” and law and order. Hell, a presidential candidate was on “Law and Order” last night cast as a District Attorney.

These two phrases were code. Members of the Silent Majority were those who were “anti-Hippie,” and “law order” a/k/a minorities’ better stay in their places.

We may not have a state primary because the Rs moved the date up to January and the DNC ordered there will be no further fucking with the primary calendar. Every candidate for President has signed a binding pledge. Democrats care because of the mo-thang. GOP candidates are so numerous it will be a cluster fuck at least until March. Party leaders don’t wanna piss on Iowa and New Hampshire’s parade. The issue here is there are no party leaders.

Our state party chair, a former-congresswoman, lost her seat because she was too stupid to understand modern politics. She was beaten by an Eloise Babcock Burke type. Two years before she almost lost to a biker—can’t remember the guy’s name—Big Biker Billy or something.

As I write this I’m blowing a Dominican made with Cuban seeds but not the same. Politics isn’t the same either. Until I retired candidates had and still do have nimrods like me offering advice, the “consultant” the bane of politics. I can remember when my big “consultant” job (I was only seventeen) was to find a place for then-Vice President Mondale to take a leak or whatever. Anyway, it was unlike Larry Craig.

Consultants are a dime a dozen. Everyone knows about political campaigns and you’d rather live in your bathroom than hear the yammering of college students, senior citizens and volunteers. How I loved volunteers.

However, when asked how many Democrats it takes to screw in a light bulb? One must consider at least:

· One strategist

· Four press people: television, print, internet and radio

· Advance guys and probably one-hundred volunteers. The heavier the candidate the more volunteers

· And make sure those volunteers get face time with the candidate for there is one thing a consultant can’t do—be an entire field operation.

I got out before my hair fell out. Brings me back to those halcyon days of smoke-filled backrooms and deal-making where there were four guys in a room. One puffed on his “Churchill” looked at the other three and said: “You’re the congressional candidate Linguine; you’re the State Senate candidate Tommy Flynn, and you, Harvey Wasserman, you’re the Assemblyman.” Now let’s go buy us some tail.

On the way down in elevators from Court Street to 10^th “Air-ven” in each of the five boroughs from buildings hither and yon Flynn would ask Mangano, “should I  fart for you, now?”