I’m doing this because I “care.”

Midwestern Logic:

We know that it’s not uncommon for Midwesterners to break bones and end up in a cast. We in the Midwest live on the edge and we take chances. Everyday Midwesterners are victims of freak accidents like getting thrown from a snowmobile, getting kicked in face by their favorite horse, a cow tipping experience gone wrong, or getting so high on LSD that they try to fly off their apartment buildings. The only thing that YOU can do as a friend when a tragedy like this occurs, is to leave them an inspirational message on their casts. People love receiving messages on their casts. It’s like a popularity contest on your body. Everyone can see where you stand in your social circle by how many people are willing to sign off in support of your recovery.

If you are stuck on what you’re supposed to write on someone else’s cast, here are some helpful suggestions. Remember to use a black Sharpie write it large enough that it can be read from at least 10 feet away.

• That’ll teach you to burn my toast again. Love, Your husband (or wife depending on how they swing)

• At least this isn’t as painful as your sex change was.

• Wishing you a speedy recovering so that you will be able to masterbate again really soon. I know how crabby you get when you can’t ”love” yourself.

• Thanks for holding my weed in here when the cops searched us the other night.

• I hope you’ve learned your lesson that it’s not a good idea to club baby seals.

• Can’t wait to see you back on the pole! Love, (insert any d-bag name here like Al, Jake the Snake, or Bob)

COMMENTS WELCOME!