Crying in My Mai Tai

I find myself once again on the enchanted islands of Hawaii, this time sans my puki pal, Michelle Malkin. After her last midnight performance on the Waikiki beach, I decided to ditch her. We were in the Minneapolis airport about to catch the Northwest flight to Honolulu, and I said, look, isn't that Senator Larry Craig going into the men's room? As she turn and rushed in to do one of her "investigative" reports, I ran like hell. Last I heard she was still in there looking for Larry.

While listening to NPR today (note, I do so, so you don't have to, so don't send me a bunch of hate e-mail, ok Rush?) I heard a story, which froze me to my core. I nearly ran off the road, and burst into tears.

What, I can hear you ask, would bring me to the brink of emotional stability? Perhaps the death of a beloved figure, or the report of another dead soldier in Iraq? Come on, you know me better than that. I am a Republican. When was the last time we did anything more than stick a magnate on the back of our car showing our support of the troops. Look, I love Commander Guy. And if those soldiers are true Americans, they will love him to, and do whatever he wants.

No, what made me cry was the report that freshman state representative Karen Awana was switching from being a Republican to being a Democrat, leaving the most anemic number of 7 Republicans in the state house and only 4 in the state senate, making Hawaii perhaps the bluest of all the states.

You know I came to Hawaii for a vacation and to stop worry about my problems. I didn't come to be reminded what a horrible state our party is in.

It is not a heady time to be a Republican. Between Twinkle Toes, Mr. Magic Underpants, Mr. Loonie Talk Express, Frederick of Hollywood, and Tommy the Fence Boy, there is little hope for us in 2008. I know my favorite candidate is soaring in the polls, but a rather disturbing recent poll showed him getting the shit kicked out of him by double digits in head-to-heads with either Mars Attacks, The Black Guy, or Mr. Pretty. Damn I feel low.

I hope Representative Awana is happy with her choice. To quote the rich guy who pretends he's a chick and doesn't drown in Titanic, I hope you enjoy your time together. Well, there's always hope. I raise my tear-filled Mai Tai in a toast, a hope. Here's to another 9/11! That'll get them voting for us again!