Henny Youngman Quotes

  Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. ( Benjamin Franklin ) I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery. ( Rita Rudner ) I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburettor’. I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’. ( Henny Youngman ) By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a... Read Full Story

PRESS RELEASE At a Capitol press conference, Republican Party of Minnesota Chair Ron Carey held DFL endorsed Senate candidate Al Franken accountable for a series of shocking and offensive jokes he made in 2000 regarding the deadly serious topic of child abuse. "For a year and half, Al Franken has asserted his career provided good training for the U.S. Senate. However, I fail to see how jokes about such serious topics as rape and child abuse provide good training," Carey said. "There's... Read Full Story

it dawned on me that i never hear about stand up comics from the middle ages. so i did some research. i executed a proper google search and discovered that henny youngman was such a comic. apparently he was a regular of the grand banquet tour in the little known resort area, the caspian catskill belt. some of his best lines included: the queen is so fat that when she sits around the castle, she sits around the castle. the king took his queen to a queen-swapping party. he had to throw in some... Read Full Story

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. ~~~ Henny Youngman Read Full Story

A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, “Here’s your husband!” The man’s wife says, “Where’s his wheelchair?” Posted in humor Tagged: henny youngman jokes Read Full Story

Family Quotes are not just for reading but they are pearls of wisdom that can inspire everyone. These are being quoted by some great peoples around the world according to their experience. They encourage you on the path life, love and concern. Lets examine some of benefits of reading Family Quotes. Read Full Story

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"And those of us who manage the public's knowledge will be held to account, to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day, because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government." -- Barack Obama Labels: business , government , inaugural , inauguration , money quotations , money quotes , obama , people , reform , speech , spend , trusts Read Full Story

“A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in on the experience” -- Elbert Hubbard Labels: blundered , cash , experience , failure , hubbard , money quotations , money quotes Read Full Story