Letter of Warning And Apology To HRH Queen Elizabeth: Verbal Terrorist Fred Phelps Is Coming To Your Shores!

To Her Royal Majesty Elizabeth II,

Queen of Britain, Scotland and the Isles:

Re: The intent of “Reverend” Fred Phelps and his family to disrupt a performance at St. Mary’s College, Basingstoke, Hampshire.

Your Majesty:

Please accept our most humble apologies in advance for whatever these beknighted American Citizens may do in your country. They will be there by your grace and favor and are certain to abuse it. They are not representative of our country in any way. You are sure to treat them with the graciousness you have always shown Americans, but we will not hold you to hospitality. They may be treated with the utmost disdain which they deserve. They have acted in the most uncivil manner - lower than human dignity allows. They have shown their utmost contempt for the dignity of everyone with whom they come in contact.

If the local Hampshire constabulary should find them guilty of any misconduct, you are under no obligation to honor our extradition treaty since we have absolutely no desire to have them back. Should you not wish to house them in any establishment (we suggest Redding Goal, preferably the cell once occupied by Oscar Wilde), then please be advised that we will see that they are immediately dispatched to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba and interrogated as terrorists.

Again, please accept our humblest apologies for allowing these creatures to travel to Great Britain.

In lieu of the entire United States, the territories of the Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico,

Ambassor-at-large,

Daniel F. Vojir, Esq

And all of the citizens of the United States
(who aren't in the Phelps clan)