Puerto Rican Guy Shoots his Twin Brother CAGUAS , P.R. - The Puerto Rican guy who is demanding change from everyone in America, fatally shot his twin brother with a .38-caliber revolver during an altercation in their shared Caguas womb. Pursuant to Section 215 of the Patriot Act and Section 501 of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA), records were recently forwarded to the Pentagon, U. S. wire services, and the National Enquirer. Found in the basement of a Caguas, Puerto Rico police precinct, these records prove that the Puerto Rican guy was a pre-natal terrorist. Sibling rivalry According to police records, Ms. Maria Machuchal was awakened at 4 ...
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After working all week, I've had the pleasure of spending my two free days sick. Worse still, I'll probably feel just well enough to go to work on Monday. It may not be the Swine Flu that has me on the couch, but it's still pretty lousy. My ribs feel like they're cracked from coughing every 15 seconds My tongue as lost all sense of taste due to the lozenges I require to keep my nose clear enough to breathe. I'm exhausted because even though I have nothing to due but sleep, lying flat loosens all the phlegm in my chest. Then the coughing ...
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The Alfred E. Neuman Economy Alfred E. Neuman, the stupidest man in America, give a big speech today. He explains all of the following: the Dow Jones is at its lowest point in 25 years the dollar is at a record low against the euro Citigroup stock (the nation’s largest bank) hit a 10-year low General Motors stock hit a 54-year low Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac stock plummeted by 25% Oil prices soared 45% over the past 6 months Just like in Mad Magazine, President Neuman squint, smirk and grimace into the future… Declare our financial system is basically sound… Then turn to ...
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Oscar Crisp Dipper had done something, on that September evening in eighth grade, of which he was completely unaware. Actually, he had done a few things. For starters, he had made himself a target for the school's guidance counselor, Mary Birch. She was a homely woman with wiry hair and poor posture. Ms. Birch, as she was known to the students, also suffered greatly from static cling and was forever straightening her skirt and pulling foreign objects like hall passes from her stockings. Ms. Birch once sat Oscar at a desk in the corner of her office and asked him fill out a form ...
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My life should be a sitcom. Honestly, if there were such a thing as Greek gods who truly like to play with the lives of mortal men, I will be the star performer. My show will be the box office hit on Mount Olympus! Mt Olympus and Greek gods Last night, Gary and I joined our friends at our annual New Year’s party at our friend Rick’s house. This has been an annual ritual for most of the years that we have lived here in the bay area. In the last couple of years, a poker game has been added as an extension of ...
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