New Stock Market Terms

I didn’t write these, but I did receive them in my in-box, which is pretty much the same thing, isn’t it? Anyhow, thought I would share:

CEO– Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET– A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET– a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING– The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.

STANDARD & POOR– Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST– Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT– When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION– The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS– What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo at=2 0$240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR– Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 at February 24, 2009 - 9:36 am and is filed under Bloviating, Random effluvia. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.