What kind of labeling? If I may be so bold, here are a few suggestions: How about Golden Lads and Girls All Must, as Chimney Sweepers, Come to Dust. That's Shakespeare, by the way. Kind of literary, might appeal to your upper middle class college gal, you know, the Bryn Mawr crowd. Gets across the concept that, you hop in the tanning booth one too many times it's epidermal meltdown--like, you'll blow your nipples off with a good sneeze. You'll have to use Pledge Wipes instead of coco butter...
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