Obama to Sue Bin Laden in Civil Court

Displaying the ingenuity that won him the presidency, Barack Obama filed suit against Osama Bin Laden in the Civil Court of New York City Monday.

"I know I'm going to take a lot of flak over this, because there is a $25,000.00 limit on the amount I can win, but it's the principle of the thing. I promised to bring Bin Laden to justice, and I will. Can't you just see the look on his face when he gets the summons?" chuckled the President.

Keith Olbermann took a few minutes off from trashing Sarah Palin and whining about Bill O'Reilly to express his near orgasmic admiration of Obama's masterful coup. "It's brilliant," crowed the MSNBC denizen. "The Bushies were in the White House for 8 years and not a single one of those morons thought of simply suing Bin Laden. When he gets his summons, he will have to appear in court. Instead of constructing a plan that nefarious, that fiendishly clever, that diabolically dazzling, the dullard republicans went looking for WMD in the desert. That makes Dick Cheney the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD!"

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton quickly called a press conference to share credit for the plan. "Of course Obama ran the plan by me before he announced it. I put a few ruffles and flourishes on it to make sure it will work. For instance, in the unlikely event that Bin Laden will ignore the summons, I am going to bring the full weight of every student loan collector in America down on Bin Laden. They'll find him. They can find anybody."

CNN's senior political analyst, Bill Schneider, was not so sure Obama's Osama strategy would be effective. "A recent Rasmussen poll shows that 87% of the people who voted for Obama either do not know, or have forgotten, who Osama Bin Laden is. This does not bode well for Obama. He might do better continuing to chide the economic terrorists on Wall Street for making too much money. A non-binding resolution condemning Wall Street executives would play much better to his base. If he could wrangle some footage of Sarah Palin shooting a whale from a helicopter, his approval ratings would shoot through the roof."

Vice President Joe Biden was unavailable for comment because President Obama had sent him on a sensitive diplomatic mission to Haiti to ascertain the effect of the Voudon religion on the mortgage crisis.

He is not expected back any time soon, according to sources in the State Department.

Photo by Marc Nozell

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