What do Ted Haggard and Juanita Bynum have in common?

A couple of things actually, but one chief thing in particular:

1. Both have been accused of investing time in lousy, pitiful men
2. Each person’s ministries created the sound of thunderous applause at times, and at others, the sound of one hand clapping
3. AND NOW, both Juanita Bynum and Ted Haggard will appear on Divorce Court to resurrect their careers

Stay classy, people.

First, Juanita “speaks out” about being abused and now Ted is on there to… well, just to make another stop on his whirlwind tour of “Dummies for Christ.”

Another Ted Haggard "ministry" appearance

So, set your calendars evangelicals, blossoming masseurs and drug dealers… your main advocate will appear nationally on FOX’s hit judge show on April 1. And why?

The show’s presiding judge, Lynn Toler, is interviewing the couple about how their marriage survived in the wake of the 2006 revelation that Haggard, founder and former pastor of New Life Church, was having a sexual relationship with a Denver male escort. The Haggards say their marriage and Christian faith are stronger than ever, and they want people to know that divorce is not the answer.

This should be good. What befuddles me is how remarkably unabashed this tool has been since his peculiar way to unwind has been made public, seen here in the aforementioned story from the Denver Post:

Their “Divorce Court” gig is the latest in a series of public appearances that began in January when Haggard made the rounds to promote an HBO documentary on his exile from Colorado Springs, which was part of an agreement with New Life Church following the 2006 scandal. Haggard appeared on such high-profile talk shows as the “Oprah Winfrey Show” and “Larry King Live.” In the coming months, he’s scheduled to speak at prominent U.S. evangelical churches, and is mulling over public speaking offers from secular organizations, but he said he has no plans to start a church.

OK, first: What. Ever. The second some denominational affiliation opens its arms - and doors - to the scorned jowls of Haggard, he is so in there. I think it’s obvious this fool is jonesin’ to get back in the spotlight, so let’s hear it for humility.

Second, it’s the economy people. Brother is going to get paid for his appearance on the show, and why shouldn’t he? FOX is going to get a rating spike because who isn’t setting the TiVO for this gem? And now, Haggard will capitalize on this by leveraging Divorce Court into a few more paid appearances like a State Fair, a car show, a Mary Kay convention and possibly being the opening act for Vince at one of his many ShamWow stops, given its new found sacred positioning.

Finally, the cracked producers of this adoring show can’t get anyone else to discuss the sanctity of marriage?! Seriously? And you wonder why so many people have issues with Christians?

That sound you hear is one large toilet flushing - hopefully with Haggard’s public appearance fee swirling and his mini-skree flummoxing in the process.

(Thanks to Denver’s Westword for that genius image)