Actress Kristen Bell Does Maximal Magazine

It’s spreads like these when I really consider holding the employees at all crappy men’s magazines hostage.  If anything to get back at them for putting both Heidi Montag and Ashley Tisdale on Maxim’s Hot 100.

Hayden Panettiere might look kind of awkwardly squished together, but she’s still a total cutie patootie and I wouldn’t mind talking to her seeing her naked in person.

Kristen Bell, on the other hand, needs to be mishandled by a magician. No, not Criss Angel. He’ll just sperminate her via a roofie slip and call it magic.

Kristen needs a real magician to fix her eyes. Their too close together.  Which we all know what that really means. She can’t properly suck a sack of nuts.  Everytime she goes in for the suck she winds up falling off the bed. Stupid lack of depth.

Here’s Kristen Bell in the Sept. issue of Maximal Magazine.